


it's a short life we live, honey.

by kiddingway



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Swearing, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 14:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiddingway/pseuds/kiddingway
Summary: Heejin and Hyunjin figure out where they fit in this post-apocalyptic world. But they have to figure out each other, too.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 45
Kudos: 197





	1. Chapter 1

Hyunjin couldn't really admit that it hurt thinking that she had lost everyone but Heejin. Her foster parents and her foster siblings were gone now. She didn't have to worry about them any longer. Thank god. It was morbid thinking like that, she knew full well, but all they ever provided her was a roof over her head. Everything else she had to supply herself. The only other thing they gave her was psychological and physical pain. So, frankly, she was glad to see them gone. 

Heejin, on the other hand, didn't hold up so well. She still wasn't holding up too well. That's what hurt Hyunjin the most. No matter what she did, no matter what she said, no matter what she tried to do to make Heejin forget about the pain, there was still a hole punctured through her heart. Hyunjin couldn't blame her, how could she? Heejin's parents loved her. They took care of her, fed her, treated her the way a daughter should be treated. They loved Heejin and Heejin loved them. 

So, yeah, of course, Heejin couldn't let them go. That hole in her heart would never properly heal--it might not ever heal. Hyunjin figured she'd do whatever she could do to help Heejin along. It was the least she could do. 

And if that meant protecting her from the zombies that now plagued this earth, then so be it. 


	2. remembering.

She couldn’t even remember how it started. To her credit, she hadn’t even known what was going on in the beginning. All she knew was that she was with Heejin when all hell broke loose - and that was putting it lightly. She remembered the screams, the curses flying everywhere, people running rampant, people hurting other people. It was chaos upon chaos. And she remembered how tightly Heejin had been holding onto her hand, tears streaming down her face, crying out to her. It was disorienting, she remembered that much. 

But then they were corralled into a library like a bunch of sheep. The police were yelling, even clubbing people who tried to get past to find family, friends. Hyunjin remembered tugging Heejin to the back of the library, trying to find an emergency exit of some sort because she couldn’t stand the crowded building with panicked people, _frightened_ people. Except those were blocked by police officers, too. She would’ve been hit were it not for Heejin pulling her out of the officer’s range. There were windows all around, Hyunjin remembered that. She remembered picking up a thick book in her hand, the weight of it nearly made her drop it until she tightened her fingers around the spine of it, her nails digging into the hardcover. She had raised it above her shoulder, arm slowly extending out ready to launch it at the window but something had stopped her before she could attempt to even swing her arm. That part was a bit of a blur for Hyunjin. Something stopped her, whether it was her own thoughts, the police, maybe even Heejin had stopped her, but they ended up staying the night at the library. Hyunjin had managed to find a secluded spot in the library - it was the history section, shelves stacked high of books collecting dust (for some reason, she remembered that clearly). 

Hyunjin had lost her phone in the confusion, by now, it’s been trampled by hundreds of people and forgotten forever. She really didn’t need it anyway. She didn’t have anyone to call and no one needed to call her. Heejin’s phone had rung sometime during the night. Hyunjin couldn’t remember how the conversation went, but she remembered Heejin getting up to talk to her parents because she thought Hyunjin was asleep—or at least, that’s what Hyunjin had thought. But she remembered Heejin coming back more relaxed—still shook up, sure, but much calmer than how she was during the day. During all the panic. When Heejin had come back over - and Hyunjin remembered exactly—she had wrapped her arms tight around Hyunjin and buried her face into her back. Hyunjin could remember the smallest things and forget the biggest things. 

Hyunjin thought it wasn’t until the afternoon that the officers finally let them leave, Heejin kept telling her it was in the morning (Hyunjin still thought she was right despite what Heejin said). Admittedly, Hyunjin couldn’t remember much of what happened when they were released. They tried getting to Heejin’s house—she remembered that—but something had kept them from getting there. Heejin told her there was a roadblock and they had to take another route. Hyunjin couldn’t remember. When they did manage to get to Heejin’s place, nothing could have prepared them when they stepped into the neighborhood. The picture-perfect neighborhood full of the kindest people, the most cheerful children, friendly and happy families, the place where the lawns were the greenest and gardens were filled with all types of flowers, where all the houses were nice and quaint and proportional, where everything was nice and neat and peaceful.

Nothing could take back any of those descriptions. When Heejin and Hyunjin walked onto the street (there were no running cars in the general vicinity—Hyunjin understood now that it was because everyone evacuated) all they saw was destruction. It was bizarre how quickly things could turn to shit in the span of twenty-four hours. 

_“I was just talking to them last night.”_ Hyunjin remembered how broken her words sounded. She remembered how Heejin just stood there, her arms by her side and her lip quivering. She remembered the pain shining in her eyes, the unshed tears, the clenched fists. Hyunjing could remember it all so crystal clear. 

_“Maybe they’re okay, Heejin!”_ she had tried reassuring her friend. She couldn’t just stand there and say nothing. _“M-Maybe they barricaded the doors! I’m sure they’re fine!”_ Of course, they hadn’t known exactly what had happened. They found out in the library that there were people attacking other people in broad daylight. They tore flesh and bone and they just wouldn’t stop. Heejin and Hyunjin had yet to witness any of that. So, naturally, Hyunjin tried to have a little optimism; spark a little hope in Heejin so that it wouldn’t affect her. 

But when they started making their way towards Heejin’s house, they started noticing the small details they hadn’t seen from afar. Blood splatters around walls, doors, floors, cement, and windows, pieces of torn clothing strewn about, broken shards of glass from cracked windows. It was unimaginable. 

They ended up never even setting foot inside Heejin’s house. When they had arrived, the door was wide open allowing them to see the staircase that led straight up to the second floor. And from where they stood in the doorway, they could see the lump of mass that lay motionless, one arm outstretched over the edge of the top step, a dark, thick substance dripping from its fingers as someone—something—tore viciously at the stomach of the poor victim. Nails dug and picked at flesh, hungrily shoving them into gaping jaws, incisors grinding down on skin and meat that stained the mouth red. It was red, red, red. _Blood red._

_Heejin’s dad._

Hyunjin wasn’t heartless. Heejin’s dad wasn’t her own, but damn did he treat her like his own daughter. He was literally the father she wished she had. She could even go as far as to say she loved him. He was generous, kind, amicable, patient, giving, everything and more. So why? Why him? Why Heejin’s mom? Two perfect halves that came together to bring forth Heejin. Two people who did more for the people around them than what they did for themselves. _So why? Why them?_

Hyunjin’s convinced her own brain made her forget what happened after that. They left, obviously. They couldn’t stay for long when whatever killed Heejin’s father could kill them, too. She couldn’t forget how broken it left Heejin, though. Her own parents; gone. It baffled Hyunjin beyond belief and she was heartbroken too. How couldn’t she be?

Those first few weeks were the hardest. They were on the move constantly, barely getting sleep, living on scraps, being wary of people alive or undead. And at nights, Hyunjin would hold Heejin tight, letting her cry everything she’s got on her chest, on her mind, on her conscience.

And Hyunjin would do it every night if it meant that Heejin could sleep a little better. Hyunjin would take all the brunt of the damage if that meant Heejin could breathe a little easier. Hyunjin would take all of Heejin's pain away if it meant she could stop suffering. 


	3. present

"Are you _still_ mad at me?" 

Heejin's silence was enough of an answer, plus, the way Heejin picked up her pace every time Hyunjin tried to catch up painted a clear picture. Hyunjin didn't need to be told twice—or in this case, at all. 

"Fine," Hyunjin grumbled, moodily dragging the baseball bat on along the grass, feeling the various bumps and divots through the vibrations of the bat. She didn't know how long Heejin would continue holding this grudge—personally, Hyunjin didn't see what she was so mad about. What did Hyunjin do to possibly deserve this kind of treatment? Truly nothing came to mind. _It didn’t make any sense._

"Okay, Heejin, c'mon," Hyunjin grunted impatiently as she walked up a rather steep hill, roots jutting out and the soil loose beneath her sneakers. "What's the deal? How long are you gonna be mad for?"

Still, though, came no response from the girl who trudged along ahead of her, her hands stuffed into her pockets and back rigidly straight, continuing to ignore Hyunjin. 

Never being one to blow her fuse so quickly, Hyujin scrambled up the remainder of the slope, dirt and pebbles flying as she did so, she ran up to Heejin and jumped in front of her. She placed her hands on the Heejin’s shoulders, ultimately stopping her in her tracks, and shook them gently. “Heejin! For real, what’s got you so angry?” Heejin has always done this when Hyunjin did something to upset her. It honestly drove her crazy because Heejin could be so adamant about staying quiet and ignoring Hyunjin; she _hated_ it. 

Shrugging her hands off, Hyunjin could see the cold anger flaring in Heejin’s eyes, the taut muscle in her jaw, the frown pulling at her lips. She was _angry_. Without another word, Heejin stepped past Hyunjin who only sighed, dropped her arms to her sides—the bat hitting the ground with a dull thump—and turned to follow her. 

_When we get back_ , Hyunjin decided, _I'm going to_ _interrogate her_. For now, though, as they walked through the forest back to the cabin they had found, Hyunjin would lay off and let Heejin have her time. She could do that much, at least. 

Still, though, Hyunjin wished Heejin would just talk to her. It sucked just walking and not having a conversation. They could talk about anything. Anything to fill the eerie silence that surrounded them. 

It didn’t matter anyway. They were almost there. She could even see the very tip of the sloping, wooden roof from where they walked. It wouldn’t be much longer now. 

“You know, if you just told me what I—” a pained cry harshly cut her off that made her flinch and freeze in place. In front of her, Hyunjin watched as Heejin crumbled to the floor, her hands grabbing at her ankle. But from Hyunjin’s perspective, she couldn’t see what had made Heejin fall to the ground, her eyes narrowed trying to pinpoint what had caused her to yell out. But when she released a blood-curdling cry after trying to get up, that’s when Hyunjin bolted. 

Dropping her bat, Hyunjin rushed over to Heejin, falling to her knees as her gaze landed on something metallic. She had never seen one in real life. It was always something depicted in silly cartoons made for children; a character that would accidentally set one off as a joke to make children laugh. Or something hunters used to catch big game; specifically, _bears_. Hyunjin never thought she would see a bear trap—perhaps not exactly a bear trap because of its smaller size—clamped shut around Heejin’s leg. But it was real. It was all too real. The steel had torn into Heejin’s leg, the skin ruptured and bleeding freely and making a steady trail down to her feet, to the forest ground, staining anything in its path. 

Heejin was crying now; the tears streamed down her face and her hands grasped tightly onto the material of Hyunjin’s hoodie. “Hyunjin, it hurts! It hurts, it hurts!” And, _god_ , did it hurt for Hyunjin to hear her cry out so much, to see her in this much pain. 

“I-I know! I know! J-Just hold on, okay?” she tried to stay calm, but it was difficult when’s she’s never had to release someone’s foot from a bear trap. It was even more difficult when that person happened to be the only one she had left. 

“Hurry, please!” Heejin whined, one hand coming to grip Hyunjin’s hoodie around the shoulder in a vice-like grip as she clenched her jaw shut. 

With shaky hands, she tentatively placed one hand on each clamp, feeling a slick, sticky liquid coat her hands and making her grip slippery on the metal. Bracing herself, Hyunjin pulled as much as she could, putting all her strength into pulling apart the jaws of the trap. It wasn’t enough, she needed to pry it open somehow. 

If she didn’t get this open quick enough, Hyunjin might need to deal with more than just the trap. She could already imagine a zombie—or even an entire group of them—emerging from the cover of the dense trees to get to Heejin while she’s the most vulnerable. The mere thought of that spurred her on even more. That’s the thing; she couldn’t afford to waste time trying something else. She had to get Heejin to safety. 

The adrenaline pumped through her veins. She didn’t think. Once again, Hyunjin braced herself against the ground—the heel of her shoe digging into the ground to give her leverage—and she wrapped her hands around the jaws of the trap, pulling with everything she had. She grunted, her fingers ached, but the whimpers and cries that came from Heejin fueled Hyunjin to keep going. _I have to get Heejin out._

Somehow, someway Hyunjin managed to pry it open just the tiniest bit. It was just enough for Heejin to slip her leg out of the trap. Just as quick, too, Hyunjin thought she wouldn’t have lasted another two seconds trying to pull it apart. 

“Heejin?” she rasped out, immediately crawling over to the injured girl after the trap snapped shut with an audible metal clang. Hyunjin glanced at the damage, the blood seeping through the blue jeans, turning the fabric into an awful brown shade, the exposed skin around her ankle stained and shining red, her sock and shoe soaked at the top from the blood. It made Hyunjin sick to her stomach but she pulled Heejin up to sit. “Heejin, hey.”

“It hurts, it really, _really_ hurts.” The shakiness in her tone, the pain lacing each of the words tore through Hyunjin like sharp claws and she needed it to stop. 

“It’s gonna be okay, look,” her breath hitched in her throat when Heejin’s red-rimmed eyes met hers. “We’re almost at the house. We can get you all patched up and everything, it’ll—it’ll be as good as new!” Words were spewing out in huffs of breath, the adrenaline still packing high and making her all jittery. “Can you walk?” Heejin shook her head. “Okay, okay. I-I—how ‘bout a piggyback ride? Just like when we were younger, just like old times, remember?”

This time, Heejin nodded. And it was decided. As carefully as she could, Hyunjin helped Heejin up just enough to position herself over her back. It was quite difficult holding all the weight on her back—not that Heejin was heavy by any means, but Heejin was wearing the backpack that had all their supplies. With Heejin’s arms wrapped around her neck, her legs on either side of her hips, and Hyunjin’s own arms supporting Heejin so that she doesn’t fall. _Just like old times._

She would just have to get her bat later, right now, she had to get to the cabin. It shouldn’t have been as difficult as it was carrying Heejin a rather short distance while on her back—she’s gone lengthier distances in a similar instance. But after months of malnutrition and the constant paranoia that followed her like a shadow, Hyunjin wasn’t in the best of shape.

Readjusting her hold on Heejin, and apologizing immediately after when the girl whimpered at the harsh movement, Hyunjin trudged along while sweat beaded on her forehead despite the cool evening. Her legs felt like they were on fire with each step she took closer to the cabin, her arms feeling overexerted with the amount of use, her back bearing most of the weight. She felt like she was at her limit. 

But she made it. She’s never felt so relieved to see the old, wooden structure barely sitting upright with its boarded-up windows and its squeaky door hinge. 

Shouldering through the door, Hyunjin made a beeline toward the torn-up leather recliner and gingerly set Heejin down. She was in immense pain, that much she could tell, but what did she have to do to make it stop? They lived in a world where access to medical care can’t be done with a simple phone call. No ambulances were roaring down the street, no hospitals running day and night, no surgeons or doctors or nurses on duty ready to aid the injured or sick. It was just her; just Hyunjin who had absolutely no medical knowledge as far as scrapes and bruises, headaches and sore throats. All the injuries she’s ever gotten were from the sports she played, where she was told what medication to take and how long to rest and what to do and what not to do. 

_Panic_. 

She was panicking when Heejin needed her most. Her mind was running rampant but she needed to slow down. Gulping in a deep breath, Hyunjin hastily removed the backpack Heejin still had before diving into the contents to look for the bandages they had managed to find at a convenience store. The only thing that came to mind was wrapping up her leg because, for one, it would stop the bleeding—or at least she hoped—and it would block out any bacteria from entering the wound. 

But that also sprung an issue in Hyunjin’s mind; she needed to clean the wound. Or at least she thought she did. _Better safe than sorry._

She grabbed the water bottle from the bag, uncapping it so quickly that the cap flew out of her hands by accident. Ignoring it, she used her other hand to pull the hem of Heejin’s jeans from the wound. For a moment, Hyunjin blanched, still not having gotten used to the blood; the sight of it made her pale considerably, the pungent odor of iron made her feel dizzy and nauseous, the torn flesh made her feel ill. But she pushed it all back. Slowly, she tipped the bottle slightly, watching the waterfall onto the puncture wounds that stained Heejin’s leg red. She saw Heejin wince, her hands gripping the hand rests and tearing new slits into them. 

“I-I’m sorry, Heejin, I know it hurts,” she apologized because she felt like she _needed_ to. It wasn’t that she thought Heejin was going to die, not at all, it was just the fact that she was inflicting more pain when she should be stopping the pain. “I’m sorry, just bear with me.”

Much to her surprise, Hyunjin heard a dry, forced laugh come from Heejin. “You did not just say that,” she mumbled, her thumb and forefinger rubbing at her eyelids as she tilted her head back, “when I stepped into a bear trap not five minutes ago.” 

And for a moment, Hyunjin was puzzled by what Heejin meant until she racked her brain trying to connect the dots. She did, but only after a couple of seconds and pouring more water over the wound. “I didn’t mean it like that, you know what I meant.” Heejin only hummed in response, wincing again as Hyunjin attempted to dry off some of the water with the bandages—which, ultimately, didn’t work but she did her best. 

It was trial and error when it came to the bandages next. Hyunjin had to take off Heejin’s shoe and sock, casting them aside carelessly as she got set to work trying to wrap the bandage as carefully and precisely as she could around the injury. But she soon realized that no matter how gentle or how slow she went about it, it would do nothing to soothe the pain Heejin felt with every little touch. So, steeling herself, Hyunjin wrapped it round and round, covering the base of Heejin’s shin to her foot and making sure that it was wrapped securely. It bled through a little, but it wasn’t as drastic as it was before. 

Wiping her forehead with the back of her hand with a shaky breath exhaled, Hyunjin fell back on her rear onto the carpet below. She looked to Heejin whose eyes were focused on her now-bandaged foot, trying to move it from left to right but ending up grimacing every time. 

“Don’t do that,” Hyunjin mumbled, feeling the after-effects of the adrenaline rush. She felt weary and tired and exhausted. “Just rest.”

“Like you ever did that when you got hurt during practices or games,” Heejin grumbled, eyes still focused on her foot. 

“Yeah, well, this is different,” she got up slowly, holding back a groan that threatened to escape when she felt the tightness in her muscles. 

“Different how?” 

“For one,” Hyunjin started as she put away the leftover bandages back into the backpack, “I didn’t step into a bear trap.” Heejin huffed. “Two; I’m no doctor _but_ —”

“That just makes it better for me to not listen to you. What do you know?” it was an easy counter, one Hyunjin set up for herself. 

“But every time I’ve gone to the doctor’s when I’ve gotten hurt, they tell me to rest up. And you know what I did?” She was having trouble locating the bottle cap she flung away earlier. 

“Ignore their advice and go right back?” even if Hyunjin wasn’t facing her, she could tell Heejin was talking with a sneer. She wondered how, for a moment, since she was in a lot of pain. But she concluded that it was Heejin just acting tough. Hyunjin shook her head at the thought as she bent down to check under the coffee table. 

“Absolutely not!” she grabbed the cap. “I listened to everything Dr. Shore had to say and followed every instruction he gave me.” She turned on her heel and grabbed the water bottle, spinning the cap onto it before putting it onto the coffee table. “So that’s why you should sit there, right on your clumsy ass, and stay there.”

She flashed a cheeky grin hoping the exhaustion she was feeling wasn’t evident in her expression, but Heejin only huffed again, her lower lip jutting out in the way it usually would when she pouted. “Whatever,” she mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and sinking into the recliner. 

“For real, though,” Hyunjin dropped the act, concern slipping through the cracks as she stood by Heejin. Hesitantly, the tips of her fingers came to rest on Heejin’s shoulder as she gazed down at her, “Does it hurt a lot? Tomorrow morning I could go to that pharmacy we saw, you know? If I’m lucky, I could probably find some painkillers. I’m sure there’s—”

“—Hyunjin,” Heejin cut her off before she could go and ramble. The tired tone in Heejin’s voice was enough for Hyunjin to clamp her mouth shut, however. “I’m fine. I’ll live.”

Hyunjin glanced at Heejin’s leg, her skin and jeans were still stained, no amount of water could completely clean that off. “Yeah, but, Heejin—”

“—Really,” she interrupted again, her own hand coming to grasp at Hyunjin’s pointer finger. Her hands had always been small—or, in Heejin’s words, her hands had always been too big. “I’ll be okay for the night.” 

Looking at how Heejin’s hand clasped her finger made Hyunjin’s chest bloom in a way she’s all too familiar with now. A feeling she could never get tired of but wanting it to blossom and grow. “All right,” she relented, her thumb lightly caressing the back of Heejin’s hand. “But tomorrow we’re gonna check on it, okay?” she pointed her other hand at Heejin’s face—it was paler than before. 

But Heejin smiled, “Okay.”

With that, Hyunjin went upstairs to grab the blankets and pillows from the beds from the three bedrooms. She gave Heejin the softest blanket and the pink pillow before checking over her foot one last time. She went to lock the front door, having to move a heavy armchair to barricade the entrance just in case, before finally settling down on the floor next to where Heejin sat. And when Heejin fussed and tried to convince Hyunjin to just sleep in one of the bedrooms upstairs, Hyunjin would make loud snoring sounds until she quieted down. It was effective because it didn’t take long for Heejin to be out like a light. 

Hyunjin couldn’t sleep all that easily just yet. While her body was exhausted, her mind was running and her paranoia was driving her up the walls. Every rustle of bushes, every gust of wind that shook the house, every creak the house made when settling, it just drove her insane. But her mind soon caught up with her exhaustion and she fell into a restless sleep.


	4. the following.

Hyunjin had a restless night. Every few minutes she'd wake to check on Heejin who progressively looked worse and worse each time she woke. Now, in the morning, as she stiffly rose from the floor—her back protesting and her limbs aching from the awkward position she had slept in—she turned to look at Heejin. Sometime during the time they were both asleep, Heejin had kicked off her blanket and there was a visible sheen of sweat on her forehead. Her brows were scrunched up and despite looking like she just trudged through a desert, she was shivering like she was in the middle of a snowstorm. 

Ignoring the exhaustion that plagued her mind, Hyunjin grabbed the blanket from the floor and dabbed at Heejin's forehead before placing her hand over the skin, only to feel the hot and clamminess from it. "Shit," she mumbled, pulling her hand away to peer down at the girl who seemed to be having some kind of fever dream.

It was clear Heejin had a fever, Hyunjin didn't need a thermometer to know that. But what could she do? They had no medicine, no pills, no concoctions, they had nothing. 

Coming around to where Heejin's foot rested, she gently peeled the bandages away and wincing when she saw the sight of the wound. At Heejin's shin, there were three puncture wounds the size of dimes that mirrored the others at Heejin's calf, all six of the cuts were bright red, actively still oozing small amounts of blood and looking irritated. While she was by no means an expert, but Hyunjin could tell it was at the early stages of infection. 

Feeling the panic slowly starting to rise, Hyunjin came back around to crouch beside Heejin and gently shook her awake, "Hey, Heejin. Wake up." It took some prodding but Heejin eventually woke up gradually; her eyes slowly opening and a low groan escaping her when she tried to stretch. "No, wait a bit. Don't move so much," Hyunjin muttered, her hand coming to rest on Heejin's shoulder to slightly press down on it, preventing her from sitting up. 

"Hyun?" she rasped, her eyes barely open and Hyunjin couldn't tell if it was from the fever or just waking up. "Hyun, I feel really hot."

"I know, but you gotta keep this blanket on you, okay? It's the fever." She began picking up the blanket from the ground, lifting it to drape over Heejin but the latter resisted. Her hands came up to push it away, "Heejin, come on. I know you feel hot but it's just—it's just your stupid brain being confused or something."

Reluctantly, Heejin dropped her arms with a huff, looking away with that same pout Hyunjin was all too familiar with. "You're a terrible doctor," she grumbled, shifting around in the recliner restlessly. 

Hyunjin couldn't find it within herself to respond with a witty quip. Her mind was reeling with worry and concern because she had no idea what to do. "Listen," she began, turning to the backpack she had left by the coffee table last night. "I'm gonna go back out to the town, okay? I wanna look through that pharmacy that was boarded up, remember?" she didn't turn around to see if Heejin responded and decided to continue before she could argue. "I'm sure I can find some, like, antibiotics or something. Ointment, bandages, maybe even painkillers if I'm lucky." Hyunjin began taking out some supplies; two water bottles, a couple of granola bars, and the crowbar Heejin used. "You're gonna stay here—"

"What? No. No, I'm not staying here while you go off by yourself," Heejin cut her off.

"Heejin—"

"Wh-What if something happens to you? You'll be alone, Hyunjin, and so will I. What if someone comes here? What am I supposed to do? Swing my crowbar around and yell like a caveman 'til they leave?"

" _Heejin_ ," there was a hard edge to her tone that she hadn't intended. "You literally can't walk. You have a fever. You _can't_ go with me." For a moment, she couldn't figure out where her baseball bat was until she remembered she had dropped it when Heejin stepped in the bear trap. "Look, I'll figure out some way to barricade the door from the inside. Maybe you can hobble your way and push that chair," she pointed to the armchair that was currently blocking the door. "I dunno, but there aren't any other entrances and everything else is boarded up so it's only the front door you have to worry about."

"Hyunjin, I don't want you to go." Heejin used a soft tone that made Hyunjin hesitate, it somehow wrapped around her and made her second guess if leaving was a good idea. But then she turned to look at Heejin, she saw how flushed her cheeks were, how she was a shivering mess, the state of her bleeding bandage. She couldn't stay and do nothing. She had to at least try and get something to help Heejin. 

"I have to," she said quietly, looking at the ground and shaking her head. "If I don't try and get you something to help you then it's just gonna get infected, and then you'll get worse, and then—then who knows." She slung the backpack over her shoulder and crouched down to look at Heejin, but she turned away, her jaw clenched in the way she usually did when she was frustrated. "I won't be gone long, okay?" 

Heejin shook her head, refusing to look at Hyunjin. "I don't want you to go." Hyunjin sighed but Heejin then turned and she swore it nearly cracked her entire resolve. " _Please_ , Hyunjin. I don't want to be here alone. I-I don't want you to go because there's the chance you won't come back."

The fear gripped Hyunjin _tight._ Of course, there was a chance she could not come back. There was a chance that she could die by man or undead. And that scared her, naturally. Death was scary enough in itself but it's the gruesome reality that she could come back something mindless and bloodthirsty, something that could potentially go after other people— _I could hurt Heejin._

But Heejin's hurting right now. 

She nearly gave in. One more moment of hesitation and she would've dropped the backpack and stayed with Heejin all day. But she couldn't. "I-I'm sorry, Heejin. I can't. The thought of your leg getting worss because _I_ didn't go out to get something to help you... I have to go." 

Hyunjin stood up, not waiting for a response from Heejin because she was on the brink of cracking and she couldn't risk her resolve to crumble entirely. She walked over to sneakers, slipped them on hastily before she moved the armchair away from the door slightly, just enough for her to crack it open and squeeze through. 

"Hyunjin—"

"Do you think you can move this on your own? All you gotta do is push it a little bit," she was standing in between the doorway, looking back at Heejin who was fiddling with the blanket on her lap. 

But then she set the blanket aside, lifting herself slowly—Hyunjin didn't miss the way her face scrunched at the movement—and gingerly tested her injured foot on the floor. However, she leaned against the recliner with her foot lifted above the ground before hopping her way over to the armchair. It was difficult watching Heejin struggle and in pain and Hyunjin was almost inclined to go help her over to the armchair, but she needed to make sure Heejin could get over without her help. 

With both hands placed over the armchair, Heejin waited for Hyunjin to step out. But Hyunjin hesitated, not wanting to leave on the wrong foot with Heejin.   
  


"Heejin, I'll be back soon, okay? I promise." There was something else she wanted to add. Something that branched beyond friendship. Something that always got stuck in her throat when she tried to force them out.   
  


But who knew if the feeling was even mutual.   
  


"Okay," Heejin mumbled, her eyes meeting Hyunjin's. There was no resentment in her voice, no anger, no annoyance. Just plain acceptance. Almost like she knew there was no way to convince Hyunjin out of going. "Be safe."   
  


"I will."   
  


And with that, Hyunjin stepped away from the door, watched it close shut, and listened to the rough scrapes as the armchair was moved to block the door. She stared at the wooden door, her hands clenching and relaxing repeatedly. She was bracing herself to walk away from the house. Away from Heejin.   
  


_I'll come back. I promised._   
  


Slowly, reluctantly, Hyunjin turned around and stepped off the porch. A brisk breeze rushed past her that made her shrink into her hoodie. But it was nothing compared to the fear that made her feel smaller than an ant. She was afraid. Afraid to go off on her own, afraid of the zombies that roamed freely, afraid of the people corrupted by this new world.   
  


Afraid of losing Heejin.   
  


The bear trap was exactly where it was before, jaws clamped shut and barely stained with Heejin's blood. She looked down at the bear trap with such resentment, as if glaring at it would somehow make it combust. She never knew she could hold such hatred towards an inanimate object.   
  


Her bat was laying up ahead.   
  


Hyunjin moved past the bear trap and found her bat exactly where she had left it. Picking it up, it felt heavier than she remembered.   
  


She gripped it loosely in her hand, letting her arm go limp and feeling the impact as it hit the ground before she started walking, allowing the end of the bat to drag behind her as she made her way toward the town. Toward the pharmacy. Toward the place that could help Heejin. 


	5. the pharmacy.

Hyunjin swung the bat _hard,_ a grunt leaving her lips when it made contact with the man—or, what _used_ to be a man—who emitted a gargled, growling noise upon impact. Dark blood stained her bat and some splattered onto her hoodie but he went sprawling to the ground when she hit his temple. It wasn't enough to keep him down but it was enough for Hyunjin to quickly gain the upper hand. Hastily, she stomped onto his back as he was slowly trying to get up. But she was quicker. She brought her bat up above her head, raising it high up before bringing it down onto the back of the man's head with every ounce of strength in her arms. She felt the skull cave in, heard the crunch of bone but he wasn't _dead_ yet. Her arms aching from the blunt trauma but she ignored the slight pain and reared them back up again. And she brought the bat back down again. Squelches mixed with crunches rang out as soon as she made contact. 

Hyunjin stepped away, gasping for air as she stared down at the body, at a rotting corpse. He was big, bigger than Hyunjin, and if circumstances were different she would be overpowered by him. His head was caved in, blood and brain matter splattered along the sidewalk and she felt sick to her stomach. Bile rose up to the back of her throat and she had to look away, she brought her arm up to cover her nose with her sleeve. She couldn't stand the stench of it. 

The moment she had made it to the town—ten minutes past the sign that said _Welcome!_ in bright colorful letters—she had encountered the man, dead obviously, but he had been meekly clawing at the boarded-up entrance of the pharmacy. 

But now he was dead— _permanently._

She walked around the body, pointedly staring at the ground to avoid looking at it and made her way to the pharmacy. Heejin and Hyunjin had seen the building the day prior, but it was evening and they had to get back to the cabin before dark and they couldn't afford wasting time trying to figure out a way in. 

But here she was now, still in the midst of a cold morning as she looked around the structure for any way in. All the windows were boarded up as well as the door, but maybe around the back?

Hyunjin walked briskly around the building, past a couple of dumpsters until she made it round back. The door she expected to be boarded was actually wide open, allowing her to see a glimpse inside but seeing nothing but darkness. She crept closer to the door, listening for any sounds or movements that could indicate something in there. But even as she strained to hear, there was nothing. 

Paranoia and fear. That's all she felt. It didn't matter that she just killed a zombie by herself. It didn't matter that she didn't hear _anything_ inside the pharmacy. She was scared and that's all there was to it. 

But then she thought of Heejin. How she had left her in the cabin all alone. How scared she might be. 

Hyunjin stepped in—glass crunching beneath her sneakers that made her freeze momentarily—darkness engulfing her as she used her hand to navigate her way inside and her other hand gripping the baseball bat tightly. Before stepping any further into the building, she turned to the door where she came from and looked up above at the red _Exit_ sign that dimly glowed, the red letters flickering on and off.

It's been months since the outbreak but some things from the old world still seemed to function. 

She turned back around, inspecting her surroundings with bated breath. Strips of sunlight filtered in through the slits of the wooden boards at the front, it allowed her to see some things from inside the store. Most of the shelves were empty, some were filled with things no one bothered to take like toothbrushes, shampoo bottles, sponges, and other things deemed unimportant. 

Hyunjin overlooked those, that wasn't why she was here. Steeling herself, she moved to the other side of the pharmacy where they kept all their nonprescription medication and other medical supplies. Unsurprisingly, there was a lack of many bottles and boxes but, much to her pleasure, Hyunjin was able to spot a few that hadn't been swiped yet. 

She felt like her luck was beginning to turn. Hastily, she slipped her backpack from her shoulders and zipped it open—her bat gripped underneath her armpit—as she grabbed the very few bottles that were there and went through them one by one. _Robitussin? No. Pepto Bismo? Definitely not. Claritin? No. Tylenol? Ibuprofen? Yes! Yes, yes, yes!_ Hyunjin dropped them into her backpack eagerly, nearly toppling the other items in her haste. 

Excitement and happiness washed over her. She hadn't thought she would get so lucky. But she found two bottles for each, she couldn't believe it. 

She went further down the aisle, her eyes roaming up and down the shelves for anything else that caught her eye that would be beneficial for Heejin—even anything that might help them later on like a small box of bandaids with dinosaurs on them she found scattered on the floor. The further she went, the fewer she saw. There was only one roll of bandages but she was grateful all the same to have found them. 

Hyunjin barely spotted two antibiotic ointment boxes in the bottom corner of a shelf before she heard muffled crunching noises behind her, more specifically, the sound of glass being stepped on. 

Feeling her heart leap into her throat and a cold chill rattle her body, Hyunjin crouched down below the shelves and quietly tried to shuffle her way as quickly as possible to the end of the aisle before she got spotted. She kneeled with her backpack set in front of her as she gripped her bat tightly with both hands. She heard more glass breaking beneath someone's weight and she felt her heart race at the thought of someone else being in the pharmacy with her with no knowledge if they were friendly or not. Chances were, they weren't. 

The one thing that indicated that it wasn't a zombie that had wandered in by chance was the fact that there were no low moans or groans, no growling or wheezing, it didn't sound like they were shambling around like their feet were dragging with each step. No, whoever had come inside was a human through and through. Hyunjin almost wished it _was_ a zombie. It would make things easier to deal with—not pleasant, sure, but easier than dealing with a human fully aware of their surroundings.

Hyunjin tried to control her breathing so that it wouldn't come out shaky or loud, but it was hard when fear was pressing down on her with every second that passed by knowing she wasn't alone. She hoped with every fiber in her being that whoever was there was not looking for any medical supplies. 

She leaned back against the shelf, letting the back of her head rest against the cool metal as she clutched her bat close to her body, her knuckles turning white from her grip around the handle. She could hear the blood rushing through her hears and feel how hard her heart pounded against her chest. 

But then she heard another step being taken; more glass being crushed. More steps followed soon after that, almost like they were in a hurry, but they were sounding closer and closer to where Hyunjin hid. She squeezed her fingers tight around her weapon, bracing herself in case she had to stand and swing with all the strength in her body. 

The footsteps stopped short of where she was but it was obvious they were in the aisle she was just in. Hyunjin couldn't dare to try and peek around to catch a glimpse of who was there; she couldn't risk it. She sat there as she heard shuffling and murmurs, " _Pepto Bismo, Cortisone, Claritin... Fuck!"_ The fact that it was a woman's voice did little to soothe Hyunjin's nerves; it didn't matter if it was a man or woman she could be facing, either one could pose as a threat. 

Hyunjin was getting restless. Sooner rather than later, that woman would come wandering toward the end of the aisle and find her sitting there. _I have to try._

It was now or never. She had to do it before it was too late. One hand darted out to grab her bag, trying as quietly as possible to at least slip it over one shoulder before making her move. Cautiously, as if she were stepping on eggshells, Hyunjin stepped away from the shelf and toward the next aisle. This one was filled with bathroom necessities; shampoo, loofahs, conditioners, bar soaps, almost everything no one would think about taking during an apocalypse. 

Hyunjin stood but kept her head low, she was just tall enough for her head to peek over the top of the shelves that could potentially give her away. But now, she could breathe a little easier. At least now she had something between her and whoever it was on the other side. She turned around as if checking to see if the woman had rounded the corner or not, but hadn't realized how close she was to the shampoo bottles stacked on the shelf and knocked them right off and onto the floor, immediately breaking the silence. At least four clattered to the ground and Hyunjin could only watch in horror when it happened. 

Panic was beginning to settle in her mind and for some reason, she couldn't get herself to move. She was frozen in place. She felt like she was back in her foster home when she got caught for breaking a vase when she was little, she couldn't move like how she couldn't at that moment. It was the feeling of being caught in the act that made her lose all sense of control of her muscles, it was her nervous system completely shutting down in the face of danger she wasn't prepared for. She couldn't even form coherent thoughts, nothing comprehensible ran through her mind and she just waited for what was to come. 

Hyunjin didn't even flinch when a figure appeared from where she had been hiding earlier. It was a girl, shorter than herself but wielding a sledgehammer over her shoulder like it weighed nothing. For whatever reason, the sight of the hammer finally rebooted Hyunjin, causing her to stumble a couple of steps backward with one hand raised and the other trying to get a good hold of her bat.

"W-Wait! Wait!" she called out desperately. "I-I'm not looking for trouble, okay?" The girl in front of her didn't move, she didn't falter, it didn't even seem like she heard Hyunjin. It was hard to tell what she was thinking with her expression hidden in the dim ambiance of the pharmacy and that made things all the worse if Hyunjin couldn't see much. "I was just leaving, I swear!"

"What were you doing in here?" the girl gruffly asked, boldly taking a step forward just as Hyunjin took one back. 

In the light of the situation, Hyunjin couldn't help but huff out a breath of laughter at the question, "Same as you!" _What else would I be doing here?_ She didn't have the guts to voice her last thought, fearing the woman in front of her too much. Seeing as though she was getting nowhere with how this was going, Hyunjin shifted gears, " _Please,_ lady. Please, I-I gotta go. M-My friend needs this medici—"

" _Medicine?"_ Hyunjin realized her mistake as soon as she opened her mouth. The woman stepped forward again but dropped the sledgehammer to the side. "What kind?" 

Now in closer proximity, Hyunjin could see more of the woman's features; softer and more delicate than she imagined but still just the slightest bit rough around the edges, her short hair was pulled up into a small bun but half her hair didn't reach the tie and fell around her neck and some framed her face, she didn't even seem that much older than Hyunjin. She was far less intimidating than Hyunjin had thought initially, but it didn't cancel the fact that she was seconds away getting her skull bashed in by a sledgehammer half the size of the woman in front of her. 

"It's nothing! Nothing that big of a deal!" Hyunjin lied through her teeth, she didn't like it but desperate times call for desperate measures. "I'm sure if you look a little more you can find what you're loo—"

Hyunjin was cut off when the woman surged forward to grab her by the collar and pull her close, "Listen, kid," she hissed out. "My little sister is depending on this fucking medicine and I've been looking all over for just one fucking box of _Robitussin_ or ibuprofen, I swear to god if you have it—"

"W-Wait! _Robitussin_?" Hyunjin remembered tossing it aside in her search for Heejin's medicine. "It's back in the aisle! I saw it earlier—I-I didn't take it. Go look!" Hyunjin had spoken so fast she wasn't even sure if the girl had understood her at all. But the hold on her hoodie loosened and Hyunjin felt a little spark of hope restore her. "I'll even show you, c'mon."

Other than Heejin, this was the first human interaction she's had where she didn't end up having to run away out of fear—she was very close to doing so, but this girl was here for the same reason she was and she felt like that similarity alone was enough for the both of them to form some type of small truce. 

The girl nodded, finally letting go of Hyunjin for her to walk back around the aisle and search for the purple box she remembered glancing over. "So," Hyunjin began, feeling like she needed to fill the silence that formed between them as she knelt down. "This is for your sister?" She hadn't expected an answer, she wasn't entitled to be given one but it took her by surprise when she heard a low hum of confirmation. "It's for coughing, right?" Another hum. "Is she sick?" Hyunjin figured since she's gotten that far in her questioning, she might as well ask. 

"Bronchitis." Hyunjin's fingers wrapped around the box right as the word was uttered. "She's had it for two weeks now. She hasn't been getting better." 

"Oh," she mumbled. Hyunjin looked at the box in her hand, feeling the small weight it possessed as she thought of how odd it was that such a small thing could be able to cure a sickness like bronchitis. Hyunjin stood, turning to face the girl and holding out the box for her to take. "I hope she gets better soon," for the first time since getting to the pharmacy, Hyunjin smiled. It was small, but she hoped it was enough to break the lasting barrier between them. 

Gingerly, as if not believing she had finally found the cure to her sister's illness, the girl took it from Hyunjin's hand before glancing up at her. Her own small smile quirked her lips up as she nodded her head in the form of gratitude. "Thanks," she mumbled. 

The woman didn't even waste time shoving it into her own backpack, barely sparing Hyunjin a glance as she looked through the shelves and picked up a few things. "I-I'm Hyunjin by the way," she hadn't had to introduce herself like that in months and it felt so out of place to do it now of all times, but she felt like she needed to do it. 

Again, Hyunjin wasn't expecting any sort of answer, she even thought that the woman would just ignore her and continue on but—once again—she was caught by surprise when she heard her voice. "Haseul." Hyunjin couldn't help the grin that stretched across her face, _Progress!_ she thought. "Listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but I really need to get back to my sister, okay?"

The grin dropped, having being yanked back into reality but not feeling too disappointed by it. Solemnly, Hyunjin nodded and began to step away, "Yeah, no, I totally get it. I need to get back to my friend, anyways." 

"Yeah, you do that."

Hyunjin was about to turn around and walk out, but a thought stopped her in her tracks and she couldn't get herself to leave without doing this one thing. "Hey, wait," Haseul's head perked up at Hyunjin's voice. "Your sister gets fevers right?" Haseul nodded and that was Hyunjin's cue to drop her backpack and dig through it until her hands wrapped around one of the four bottles she had in there. "I think she could use this, then," she pulled an ibuprofen bottle and held it out to the shorter woman. 

Haseul stared at her, as if not believing Hyunjin was actually giving it to her. "What?" she was baffled, to say the least. 

"Y-Yeah," Hyunjin insisted, coming forward to urge Haseul to take it. "I found two and I thought it would be selfish if I kept them both to myself." These times were different, these times Hyunjin had to be more selfish because supplies were scarce and she needed to make the best of them. She hadn't adjusted to that way quite yet. The guilt would eat her alive if she left Haseul without something to help her sister. One bottle was plenty enough for Heejin. 

Haseul didn't hesitate any longer, she took the bottle from Hyunjin's hand and looked down to inspect it, her eyes narrowing slightly due to the lack of light. "Thank you, Hyunjin," Haseul's voice was quiet— _gentle_ —as if raising it would scare Hyunjin away. 

"It's nothing," she brushed off nonchalantly, but a small flare of happiness was coursing through her at the thought of helping somebody. "But, um, I'll get going now, then." Haseul nodded, looking down at the bottle again before putting it into her backpack. 

"See you later, Hyunjin," Haseul responded, turning back toward the shelves and looking through them again. It was such a casual thing to say, something she hadn't heard in so long but, oddly, felt very pleased to hear. 

"Yeah," she mumbled, watching Haseul pick up a box of something before putting it back. "See you later, Haseul."


	6. coming back.

It still baffled Hyunjin how the first half of her day had turned out. Meeting Haseul turned out to go better than she expected, too. She couldn't tell if it was appropriate labeling her as a friend of any sort, but Hyunjin knew that she had some sort of ally out in this world now. That much was good enough for her. 

The walk back to the cabin was fairly shorter than when she left to the pharmacy probably because Hyunjin was more in a hurry to get back to Heejin. However, she was stalled when she encountered two zombies halfway back, but rather than try and fight them by herself, she let them pass by while she hid behind a large tree. She was glad to have spotted them—an old woman with a torn up and bloody sundress and a teenage boy with the lower half of his jaw hanging limply as if it had been broken—because she was sure she would have landed herself into more trouble had she not been paying attention. 

She watched them from afar, watched how clumsy their steps were as they tried to navigate their way through the dense part of the forest, often tripping over uneven land or roots from trees. Even from where she stood she could hear their low growls, their high-pitched wheezes each passing second as if they were trying to say something comprehensible. It scared Hyunjin that that could be exactly what they were trying to do; what if their physical body had been taken over by whatever had caused this, but their mind was still intact, unable to fully possess their body again but aware of their surroundings? It terrified Hyunjin to the core. She would hate to live like that, she hated the thought of it. 

When they had traveled a good distance away from where she was headed, Hyunjin resumed her brisk walk back to the cabin. At some point, Hyunjin began to jog. She wanted to get back to Heejin as soon as possible, mainly to give her the medicine and treat her wounds but also because she couldn't stand not being around her any longer. They hadn't been separated for that long since the outbreak. It made her all the more anxious when she didn't have Heejin by her side; it felt like something was missing. 

It was different than how it was before, that much was obvious. When things were normal, Hyunjin was glued to Heejin's side but never to this extent. Now, she can't even imagine going an entire day without Heejin. 

Her chest was heaving when she finally caught sight of the cabin, her jog slowing to a walk when she got to the bear trap. It was odd that something like that had been set up and ready to catch anything. It unsettled Hyunjin for the most part, but she concluded that it had to have been set before Heejin and Hyunjin had got there just two days ago. The cabin was old, anyhow, it could've very well have been some kind of hunting cabin. The thought itself gave Hyunjin more ideas; the two of them hadn't been able to fully search the cabin having used the two days to search through the town and then Heejin ultimately getting hurt. 

_Maybe today,_ Hyunjin thought as she walked past the bear trap, _I can look for some more stuff._ Hyunjin tugged on the straps of her backpack with one hand, her other hand tiredly dragging her baseball bat behind her until she got to the steps of the porch. 

She didn't even hesitate to bring her hand up to knock on the wood. "Heejin?" she called out reasonably loud having regained her breath from the short walk. Eagerness and anxiousness becoming apparent as she called out again while knocking. "Heejin, it's Hyunjin!"

She heard movement from inside but no audible response. Hyunjin wasn't worried, the fact that she had heard Heejin moving around—and then hearing the armchair scraping against the floor—eased her all the more. Hyunjin had honestly been expecting the worst. 

So when the door finally cracked open, she didn't waste any time getting in as quick as possible and dropping the backpack to the floor, "Hey, sorry I took a little longer than I—"

She was cut off when Heejin surged forward to wrap her arms around Hyunjin's neck, immediately making her drop the baseball bat and take a step back to accommodate the sudden embrace. Heejin's face burrowed in the crook of Hyunjin's neck the moment she could—Hyunjin could feel the heat from her skin that she was sure was from the fever—and Hyunjin's arms quickly wrapped around her waist, tugging her close and pressing her nose against her hair. 

" _Please_ ," she heard Heejin mumble, her hold tightening around Hyunjin as she spoke. "P-Please don't ever leave me like that again."

Just hearing her voice shake was enough for Hyunjin to crumble; she cursed under her breath as her hands gripped at the material of Heejin's sweater. She couldn't stand seeing Heejin like this, and all because of her, too. " _I'm sorry_ ," she whispered, shaking her head, "I didn't want to leave." She separated them for a moment to look at Heejin, to just look at her face; her pale skin from the fever, the two moles that marked her on her cheek and corner of her eye, and seeing the worry written all over. _She was always so easy to read._ "I didn't want to leave," she repeated quietly. 

Heejin nodded, seeming to understand and simply sunk back into Hyunjin's embrace, her head resting over her chest as Hyunjin's jaw rested over the top of her head. They remained like that for a little longer, neither seeming to want to let the other go—Hyunjin personally couldn't find it within herself to let go just yet. But then she remembered the entire reason she had left and slowly parted from Heejin who seemed more inclined to stay close to her as one hand gripped the hem of Hyunjin's hoodie, resembling a lot like a scared child who's first instinct is to grab onto something. Hyunjin didn't mind. 

"C'mon," she carefully led Heejin back to the recliner she had been at, seeing the blankets were strewn all over the floor and an empty water bottle. The granola bars she had left remained untouched. She'd get Heejin and herself to eat later, right now she wanted to focus on her leg and the fever. Without making a fuss, Heejin quietly sat back down on the recliner—her face contorting to express the pain she felt that worried Hyunjin beyond belief—as Hyunjin went back to retrieve her backpack and close the front door. 

She went straight to work giving Heejin a water bottle and the pills, letting her choose which ones she wanted to take as she focused on the wounds on her leg with the ointment and clean bandages. She cleaned it up with water first—apologizing immediately when Heejin quietly whimpered in pain—before applying the ointment. She didn't know what she was doing, but this was the best she could come up with on the spot. She moved on to wrapping a new set of bandages around Heejin's leg, quickly discarding the bloodied and dirtied one as she got to work gently getting it around the wound as carefully as possible. 

"What did take you so long?" Heejin mumbled, having closed the cap on the ibuprofen bottle and handing it back to Hyunjin who tossed it into the backpack. 

"Someone came into the pharmacy when I was in there," she took the water bottle Heejin was holding out and took a couple of swigs of it, not realizing how thirsty she had gotten. "And I saw two—no, three—zombies, I had to kill one of them," her voice trailed off at the end, never finding it easy to say something so blunt and cruel. 

Heejin's hand had reached out to grab Hyunjin's pointer finger, a habit she did often when she saw Hyunjin distressed. "The person you ran into, they didn't hurt you, right?" even as she said it, Hyunjin watched in slight amusement at how quickly Heejin's eyes scanned her entire body looking for any injury or marks on her. 

"No, actually, but I swear she was about to," the hold around her finger tightened and she saw the fear flash through Heejin's eyes. Realizing her mistake, Hyunjin kneeled beside the recliner and leaned as much as she could against it to stay close to Heejin. "But she didn't! I promise, see?" Briefly, she rolled up both of her sleeves, "Not even a scratch!" As soon as Hyunjin rolled her sleeves back down, Heejin grabbed hold of her entire hand now, pulling it into her lap to fiddle with her fingers. 

"Still," she mumbled, staring at their conjoined hands and refusing to look at Hyunjin. "What if something happened?" 

Trying to light up the situation, Hyunjin smiled and shook her head, but it still didn't prompt Heejin's gaze back over to her. "But nothing happened, so there's nothing to worry about." Heejin stayed mum, her fingers tracing over Hyunjin's thumb up to her wrist before going down to her index finger, then back up to the wrist, repeating the action for each finger. "It doesn't matter now. Were you okay here?" she glanced over at the granola bars. "You didn't eat."

"Did you?" Heejin countered, a slight edge to her tone that Hyunjin chose to ignore. 

"I will now," she said, scooting on her knees a bit to reach for the two granola bars she had left. "One for you," she dropped on in Heejin's lap, having to tear her hand away when she began to tear at the wrapper, "and one for me." Heejin followed suit, slower than how Hyunjin went about it, hungrily taking a big bite and relishing the grain and chocolate that satisfied her tastebuds. 

The two silently ate, Hyunjin finishing before Heejin and they both washed it down with some water. "Are you feeling better?" Hyunjin asked, her head resting against the armrest as she watched Heejin spin the cap closed on the bottle. 

"I guess. It still hurts," she admitted, sounding almost defeated. 

"Well," Hyunjin began, her eyes darting to the backpack before glancing back up at Heejin, "it should kick in soon. You should get some rest, I'm gonna look around the house a little bit, okay?"

Heejin finally looked over with her brows upturned as Hyunjin got up from the floor. "Can't I help you?"

Pursing her lips, Hyunjin slightly shook her head. "You just said your leg was still hurting."

"But I—"

"Heejin, I promise that you _have_ to do this. I know it sucks, believe me, I know," she felt bittersweet recalling all the times she's had to miss out games and practices because she's gotten hurt. "But you gotta let that heal on its own. It's not gonna help if you're moving around all over the place."

A pout came and tugged at Heejin's lips, her arms crossing over her chest as she sunk back into the recliner, much like she had done earlier. "Fine," she relented with a grumble. 

But that was enough for Hyunjin to get moving, trusting that Heejin would stay put while she investigated the house. She went to the kitchen first, going through a short hallway by the staircase to get to the room. When they had first gotten to the cabin, they had checked the kitchen immediately where they found a few things like canned fruit, water bottles, grains, stale bread—much to Hyunjin's disappointment—and other things that either expired or were still edible. They hadn't really explored all of it, though, so Hyunjin thought it was a good place to start. 

There was a window above the sink, a wilting yellow flower sitting in a vase right beside the glass. She looked through drawers and cupboards, finding nothing much other than utensils and dishes and dust, however, she did manage to find some food they had overlooked in the pantry. There was nothing good in the fridge and there was nothing much other than some decorations and the dining table suited for about four people. Hyunjin moved on, going out the way she came and upstairs. 

There were three bedrooms, one seemingly suited for a child—a girl most likely because of the stuffed animals and decorations found inside—another one looking more like the master bedroom with more space and a larger bed as well as its own bathroom, and the other seemed like a guestroom. There wasn't much within the rooms; some clothes were left behind, the aforementioned stuffed animals, decorations, dust and more dust. There was nothing really that could benefit them. 

When she stepped out of the master bedroom, Hyunjin turned to a closed door she had initially thought was a bathroom. She guessed that she might as well check it out, there might be something that could benefit them in the long run. She was met with a little resistance when she tried to open the door, most likely because it hadn't been opened in who knew how long, but when she finally managed to push it open she couldn't help but her jaw drop. 

Her previous thoughts about it being some sort of hunting cabin were confirmed when she stepped in. The room was the size of the guestroom but was nothing of the sort. All along the walls were mounted animal heads, taxidermized and unmoving. All sorts of deer stared at her, a bobcat posed to snarl at her from the floor made her skin crawl, two pheasants stood on top of a desk to the side, large bass and trout displayed behind glass like some sort of trophy collection. The entire room was enough to make her feel unsettled and anxious. She hated their glassy eyes all directed toward her, it felt like they watched every move she made. 

Hyunjin moved toward the desk, ignoring the way the pheasants made her feel as she looked at the papers scattered all over, letters and numbers scrawled up and down the pages that meant nothing to her. She pulled at the drawer beneath the desk and simply staring at what she found inside. The window above the desk cast light down on the steel, looking untouched and polished despite being confined to a dust-ridden drawer. Gingerly, she reached in to wrap her hands around the leather grip and lifting it up to bring it more into the light. The knife was large, obviously made for hunting, but she had never held one with such intricate designs. There were leather strings that wrapped around the base of the hand and led to three red beads that dangled, the top of the blade straight while the bottom of it curved up into a sharp point, but even on the blade were small carvings that looked like they were there just for show—Hyunjin didn't even care, she just thought it looked cool. 

She held it with one hand while she looked for anything else inside the drawer, but came up empty. It didn't matter. Now she had this knife that could help them, she just wished she had some kind of holster or encasing so she could store it. She opted to just stuff it into the pocket of her hoodie, it fit in there and just as long as she didn't forget it was in there she thought it was a good place to keep it. 

She looked around the room a little more, trying to find something else but coming up empty. The only other thing she saw was a large glass case mounted on one of the walls but holding nothing inside other than racks and hooks, she figured that's where the guns were kept. She kind of wished they had left those behind, even if she didn't know how to fire a gun, it wouldn't have hurt to have one. 

Feeling satisfied with her findings, she made her way back downstairs and to the living room. She was excited to share her discovery with Heejin but when she walked in she found the girl fast asleep on the recliner. That alone was enough to make Hyunjin glad. Lazily, she kicked her shoes off and made her way over to the armchair to push it in front of the door before removing the knife from her pocket to place it on the coffee table. 

Fatigue was starting to weigh down on her from everything that had happened, and even if it was just past the middle of the day, Hyunjin felt like she could sleep for a thousand years. With sluggish movements, she reached down for the blanket Heejin had tossed off earlier and draped it over the sleeping girl who shifted the moment it touched her. But before Hyunjin could even let go of the blanket, Heejin's hand had darted out to grasp weakly at her wrist. "Don't leave again," she mumbled, her eyes opened to tiny slits as she peered up at Hyunjin. 

But she shook her head and grabbed the corner of the blanket to lift it up, then, carefully, she stepped over the armrest—having to scooch Heejin over a bit—and settled herself onto the recliner right beside Heejin. The moment she had stopped moving, Heejin immediately came forward to rest her head over her chest, one arm draping over Hyunjin's stomach beneath the blanket as Hyunjin's cheek rested against the top of Heejin's head. She made sure to make enough room for the two of them and made sure that her leg wouldn't get hurt or anything of the sort in their position. 

" _I'm not leaving_." 


	7. days.

The next couple of days went by with little conflict. The most they had to deal with was a lingering zombie who quickly lost interest when its attention was diverted away from the cabin, in short, Hyunjin didn't have to go out and try and kill it. It scared them for a moment; Hyunjin had the knife brandished and ready if it somehow miraculously busted through the door and past the barricade, but the both of them relaxed when they realized they hadn't needed to deal with it. 

Heejin was healing up nicely; the fever was gone and Hyunjin made sure that she changed the bandages with new ones and made sure that Heejin was getting plenty of rest and enough to eat. She frankly couldn't believe that all the effort they've both put in was working out for her. Hyunjin could feel the stress she had felt before melt with each passing day that Heejin was feeling better. She was walking around a little more, testing the injury without putting too much strain on it or making it worse and they've both migrated to the master bedroom rather than sleeping on a recliner only meant for one person—Hyunjin even moved one of the dressers to block the door if it just so happened a zombie or some intruder were able to get through downstairs. 

And while they were rationing their food, it was evident that what they had now wouldn't last forever, that fact loomed over them constantly. No matter how hungry either of them felt, they needed to at least just edge off the hunger enough so that they don't run out too quickly. Hyunjin's tried to reason with Heejin about her going by herself again to try and restock but Heejin was extremely adamant about not being left alone again (and, if she was being honest, Hyunjin wasn't eager to go out by herself again). But until then, Hyunjin and Heejin have to stick with the few cans they had left, very few granola bars, a couple of half-empty cereal boxes, a small jar of honey, and a box of graham crackers she managed to find hidden in a corner in the pantry. 

Hyunjin stood with the jar of honey and the box of graham crackers set on the coffee table, she stared at them with her eyes narrowed and her mind slowly reeling. "Heejin?" she called out, her eyes never parting from the small mason jar filled with the golden substance. Her mouth watered just at the sight of it. 

"Hmm?" Heejin hummed, too invested in some book she had found while she lounged on the recliner. 

Narrowing her eyes, Hyunjin slowly picked up the jar, holding it out slightly in front of her but rotating it around to get a glimpse at all angles. "Does honey expire? Like, does it go bad?"

"Honey?" Heejin turned a page and quieted down a little bit as she read the words on the page. "I dunno, check the expiration date." 

"That's the thing," she mumbled, looking down at the lid to search for any set of numbers and doing the same for the bottom of the jar. "There isn't any." She huffed feeling dejected, "I think whoever lived here before harvested their own honey or something, isn't that weird?"

Heejin only hummed again, oblivious to Hyunjin's wonderment. "Mhm. Weird," she replied distractedly. 

Hyunjin paid her no mind, however, determined to figure out whether the honey was edible or not. Cautiously, as if expecting the jar to explode in her hands from any wrong moves, she spun the lid open. She hesitated for a moment, holding out the jar like it was some fragile, ticking time bomb before she slowly brought it toward her, under her nose to get a waft of the scent inside. But nothing could have prepared her for the sweetness that invaded her senses. It was pure heaven. The gasp that left her was completely involuntary but she was too caught up in her own excitement to care, it still wasn't enough for Heejin to tear her gaze away from her book. No longer feeling afraid of the honey, Hyunjin pointed her pinky finger out and then dipped it into the jar, getting the tip of it coated in it before putting it into her mouth, her tastebuds jumping at the sweetness. 

Excited by her discovery, Hyunjin hummed and dipped her finger in again, having become addicted to the taste. "Heejin!" she called out after having had a few more samples of the honey. "Heejin!" she called again, having failed at gaining Heejin's attention the first time. Now the girl, looking slightly irked to have been interrupted from her book. "It hasn't expired!" Hyunjin was undeterred from Heejin's lack of interest or her annoyed expression; she just made a fantastic discovery. Now, reaching for the graham crackers she left on the coffee table, Hyunjin began breaking off pieces to dip them into the honey before shoving them into her mouth with a hum of happiness at the taste.

"Don't eat all of it, you might get a stomach ache," Heejin absentmindedly added, returning her focus to her book once she saw that Hyunjin was more than happy to begin eating her snack. 

"Heejin, you gotta try—" she stopped herself short—mouth full of graham crackers and honey—when the doorknob behind her rattled furiously. Hyunjin froze completely, Heejin did the same. They simply stood as still as possible, not knowing if there was any danger present outside the cabin or not. And they hadn't barricaded the door; they only locked it. 

"Was it a monster?" Heejin whispered, barely audible enough for Hyunjin to hear. Heejin had picked up the habit of calling the zombies monsters, Hyunjin never really understood why since it was quite obvious they were zombies, but she never bothered to correct her; there was no point. 

"Zombies don't know how to open doors, Heejin," her eyes were glued onto the doorknob that had just rattled. Flinching when it happened again and when a voice called out from the outside. Instinctively, she bent down to grab the knife she had hidden under the coffee table to stuff in her hoodie's pocket and then grab her baseball bat. 

"Hello?" it was a man's voice. "Hello? I know there's someone in there! There's two of you in there, ain't that right?" Hyunjin felt her breath quickening and shortening. Whoever was out there knew of them. "Please, I just need some help! M-My boy here's sick and we just need a night to stay! We won't be any trouble, I promise!"

"Hyunjin," Heejin's voice was a little louder now, which only made Hyunjin panic when she whipped her head around because, despite the man knowing they were in there, she didn't want him to hear them. "We have to let them in. Didn't you hear him? He has a little boy who's sick and he said for one night only—"

"Heejin, are you crazy?" she hissed out, moving as quietly as possible to get beside Heejin on the recliner. "He could be lying! He _is_ lying! We can't let him in!" Of all the things to happen, Hyunjin rather be pit up against a zombie twice her size. "We _can't_ trust him." 

"But what if he does have a sick son? It's getting dark, isn't it? Just one night wouldn't hurt," Heejin insisted, her brows upturned as she looked up at Hyunjin. 

"But it could hurt!" Hyunjin was getting more aggravated, _Why can't Heejin see how dangerous this is?_ Hyunjin's seen enough corruption in the world to know that this is could very possibly lead to both of their deaths. There was no sick boy, there was no worried father, there was only a man out there who, for some reason, knew they were in there to begin with and had some kind of mission to get inside. "I'm positive that guy out there is completely alone, Heejin. How would he have known we were in here in the first place? The only time he could have known was when I went out to get you stuff. Why aren't you listening to me?"

She hadn't meant for it to come out in a desperate whine, _but she was desperate._ She was desperate to not let the man inside and she was so, _so_ desperate to get Heejin to see how bad of an idea this was. But her heart sank when she saw Heejin's head shake, her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach when the man spoke up again. "Hey! Please let us in... We really need the help. W-What if my boy comes in only? I can stay out somewhere and come get him in the morn. Y-You won't leave a boy out here all by himself, will you?" 

Heejin leaped off the couch and slipped past Hyunjin the moment the sentence was out, she made it to the door despite Hyunjin nearly shouting at her to stop as she followed closely behind. 

"You two can both stay—" Heejin began saying, unlocking the door just as Hyunjin made it to her, the bat gripped tightly in one hand as she shoved Heejin to the side. But once the door clicked open, signaling it was unlocked, it was pushed open with such a force that the edge of it hit Hyunjin square in the chest and sent her barreling towards the floor, the wind knocked out of her as she collided with the wood below her. 

She heard Heejin shriek, out of fear or surprise, Hyunjin wasn't sure, but she watched helplessly as a man—much bigger than either of them combined with a wild look in his enraged eyes—stepped into the cabin brandishing a cleaver in his hand. She tried standing up, reaching for her bat and wincing when she felt the pain in her chest, only to feel a greater amount of pain when the man swung his foot into her jaw. 

"Hyunjin!" she could barely concentrate on Heejin's voice when the pain on her face was rising to levels she never deemed possible. She curled up in a ball, gingerly cradling her jaw only to yelp in pain when the man reared back his foot to swing into her stomach. One hand remained at her jaw while her other arm wrapped around her stomach, groaning in pain as the tears sprung into her eyes and only recoiling further when he kicked her again, and again. "Stop! Stop hurting her!"

"Shut up!" the man snapped, and through the blur of her tears, she could see him turn his attention toward Heejin. "One more word out of you and your little friend is done for!" 

But even with his shouting, she could hear Heejin crying. "W-Why are you doing this?" she whimpered, her arms coming to wrap around her midriff as she stepped away in fear. "We-We didn't do anything—"

"What did I just say?" he stepped towards Heejin, his voice booming around the living room. "What the fuck did I just say? I said to shut your god damn mouth, you want me to kill her?" A sharp intake of breath cut through after his threat, and through the haze, Hyunjin could see Heejin furiously shaking her head. "Good. Now stay right there—don't move a fucking muscle."

He had pointed the cleaver at Heejin, who flinched and whimpered in response to the action, before stomping out of the living room.

"Hyunjin?" Heejin called out quietly once a few moments had passed, her voice shaky and broken. "Hyunjin?" she tried again, taking a step forward but freezing when she heard something crash from the kitchen before heavy footsteps sounded out from the stairs. 

Hyunjin only coughed but groaned soon after when the action only brought her immense pain in her stomach. It only prompted Heejin to scramble to her side, kneeling down so fast that for a moment Hyunjin was worried she bruised her knees. 

"Hyunjin?" she cried her hands hesitating above her body before coming down to shakily brush away the hair covering Hyunjin's face. "Oh, Hyunjin, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry," she sobbed, her hands gingerly coming around to cradle her cheeks, being sure to avoid the rapidly forming bruise on Hyunjin's jaw. "I-I didn't know," she sniffled, her head bowing down to meet with Hyunjin's. "I didn't know this w-would happen, I'm so sorry."

"Heejin," Hyunjin mumbled, trying hard to ignore the pain all around her torso. "Please go back to where you were standing. Please?"

But Heejin's breath hitched in her throat as she hiccuped, her head shaking as she raked her fingers through Hyunjin's hair. "N-No, c'mon. We have to go, we gotta go," she was beginning to part from Hyunjin, preparing to try and get her to stand. "Can you walk?"

Hyunjin, with everything she had in her, tried to get up but the pain that flared through her entire chest made her cry out in pain. "No, Heejin," she rasped out, letting herself drop to the floor with a whimper. 

"O-Okay, okay. Just wait—"

"Hey!" Both Heejin and Hyunjin turned towards the voice, both blanching and flinching when the man stormed over. "What's so hard to understand? Huh?" 

"W-Wait, wait—!" Heejin released a wail of pain as the man reached down to grab at her hair, pulling her roughly away from Hyunjin and shoving her to the ground. 

"One thing! I told you to do one fucking thing, and that doesn't get across your dumbass fucking mind?" he roared at her, veins popping out of his neck and spit flying as he towered over Heejin. 

Hyunjin was panicking, but the fear written all over Heejin's face scared her to the core. The way the man edged closer and closer to Heejin until he finally just kneeled down, one hand reaching out to grab at Heejin's collar to pull her up, the hand with the cleaver reared up ready to strike. 

And at that moment, all the pain dispersed in an instant. Her mind was blank save for Heejin. Images of her splayed out across the wooden floor, a large gash opened and bleeding freely from her neck, her glassy eyes staring lifelessly right at her, her body limp and bloody. It sent her on overdrive. 

She pushed herself up hastily, her hand reaching into her pocket to grab at the knife she had kept in there, before stumbling over to the man. And then nothing else was on her mind but to protect Heejin. 

And so she did. 

Just before the man would bring down the cleaver into Heejin, Hyunjin came from behind him to plunge the knife into the side of his neck. It slid in easy, right at the junction of his jaw and neck. Blood immediately leaking from the incision, but Hyunjin didn't get to see too much of it because he turned towards Hyunjin with shock written all over his face. It was then that she was able to see all of his features; the lightness of his eyes, the scruffiness of his beard, how unkempt his dark hair was, the scar that ran down his right eyebrow, the fear that widened his eyes. 

Unstably, he fell back, one hand clutching tightly at Hyunjin's hoodie as the other weakly pulled out the knife from his neck, the blade clattering to the floor when he dropped it. Blood stained his hand as he tried desperately to apply pressure to his wound, pained grunts and gargled noises coming from him. 

And it was then Hyunjin realized what she had just done. 

She just stabbed someone. 

_I just stabbed someone._

Hyunjin stumbled away from him, losing his grip successfully but losing her footing as she fell back, staring as he also fell onto his back, the blood pooling beside him as his movements became sluggish and slowed. His breathing was erratic, his chest rising and falling unevenly until it just stopped. 

_He stopped breathing._

She felt like a wrecking ball just rammed itself into her chest. She felt like she couldn't breathe; like everything around her was crushing her. 

_I just killed him._

She murdered someone. She murdered a living, breathing person in cold blood. It was so much different than killing a zombie. It was absolutely nothing like killing a zombie. A zombie was already dead, a zombie didn't think or function like a living human. 

Hyunjin hadn't even realized how sporadic her own breathing had gotten. Short and quick inhales and exhales, barely enough oxygen entering her body that it made her head spin. And the pain she had somehow pushed aside earlier? It all came barreling back. The aching in her jaw, the flaring pain all over her torso. _It was unbearable._

"H-Hyunjin?" she had barely heard Heejin, but she couldn't even tear her gaze away from the body, from the blood that seeped into all the cracks in the floorboards. "Hyun?" a hand was placed on Hyunjin's shoulder, but it just felt like dead weight. She flinched away from the touch. 

But then Heejin wrapped her arm around Hyunjin's shoulders, pulling her toward Heejin until it was enough to wrap her other arm around her completely in an embrace. An embrace that was beginning to ground Hyunjin but did little as she continued to stare at the body. Both of them were pressed up against each other with Heejin taking the brunt of the weight as she let Hyunjin lean into her.

_He's dead. He's dead. You killed him. You're the one who stabbed him._

One of Heejin's hands came up to cup Hyunjin's face, pushing her head into the crook of Heejin's neck as she began to rock the two of them back and forth. The only sounds that filled the silence were Hyunjin's breathing—slowly but surely returning back to normal—and Heejin's whimpers muffled when she hid her face in Hyunjin's hair. 

" _I-I killed him,_ " Hyunjin whispered, her voice raspy and unstable. "I killed him," for the life of her, she couldn't stop staring at the body, almost like a punishment she put herself through as a result of taking someone's life. "He's dead."

Heejin's hold tightened immensely, and if it weren't for the shock settling in her mind, Hyunjin would have recoiled from the pain she felt all over. Instead, she numbly brought her arms up to wrap around Heejin, burying herself within her embrace further but continuing to have a view of the life she had taken. 


	8. hell.

People don't turn when they die. Not unless they get bit by a zombie. Even then, it took a couple of hours for them to become one—they'd never seen it happen, but they had heard the stories in passing. 

So unless the man had been bitten somewhere they couldn't see, Hyunjin and Heejin had nothing to worry about. 

But neither of them had moved from their spot from where they sat on the floor, mere feet from the man Hyunjin had killed. 

She had finally stopped looking at the body, she couldn't believe what she had done. Now she simply buried her face into the crook of Heejin's neck, tears streaming down her face as she silently cried while Heejin held her tight in her embrace. Hyunjin didn't know how long they had sat there, she really couldn't comprehend much around her. All she could focus on was the way Heejin's arms were wrapped around her, the way she whispered words of encouragement, how her fingers gently brushed through her hair, just her presence in general was enough for Hyunjin to not go off the rails. 

But it wasn't like she was holding up that well. 

Hyunjin's hands gripped tightly at Heejin's sweater, trying to hold back the sobs that racked her body—her bruised and aching body that hurt with every subtle movement. 

"H-Heejin," she murmured once she had the strength to speak. The girl in question hummed, her hold around Hyunjin tightened slightly. "I-I don't understand. I don't get it," she rasped out, holding back the coughs that threatened to escape her. 

Heejin remained quiet, her hands continuously stroking Hyunjin's hair until she spoke up quietly, "He... he was gonna kill us, Hyun. You did the—"

"That's not what I mean," Hyunjin interrupted, her voice cracking when she forced the words out. "Why is the fucking world like this? Why—what the fuck did _we_ do to deserve this? What did we do, Heejin? What the fuck did we do?" Heejin tried shushing her, tried calming her down but Hyunjin couldn't handle the onslaught of horrible thoughts invading her mind. " _What the fuck did I do? What the fuck did I do?"_

"I don't know, Hyunjin," Heejin sniffled, beginning to rock them both back and forth to try and soothe Hyunjin. "I-I don't know why it's all like this now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Hyunjin still couldn't wrap her head around how quickly the world had crumbled, how quickly it had fallen and left everyone in its wake. She wished things would go back to normal. She longed for the days she would sneak out of her foster home and onto Heejin's where she would be greeted by adults who treated her like they were her own parents, where she could be with the girl who's been with her through thick and thin. She wanted it all back. She would take it all back—even her foster parents and siblings—if it meant that she wouldn't have to feel this pain and despair. She'd take it all back in a heartbeat because this—the situation around them twenty-four-seven—was the epitome of hell. 

+++

It had taken Hyunjin at least two hours—she still wasn't sure exactly how much time had passed—for her mind to catch up on how exhausted she was. She had mumbled to Heejin that she wanted to go to sleep, she had told Heejin she wanted to get away from the body and the blood and the knife that all lied on the floor. And, unsurprisingly, Heejin complied; she had carefully gotten Hyunjin to her feet—the pain all around her upper-body excruciating but with Heejin's help, Hyunjin was able to get to the stairs—before leaving her for a moment to barricade the door behind them. 

The journey up the stairs was a bit more difficult. Hyunjin was heavily leaning against Heejin who, despite her foot having mostly healed up still had trouble resting all her weight on it, trudged the both of them up the best she could until they made it to the top and into the master bedroom. Heejin helped Hyunjin into the bed, going back to barricade the bedroom door before checking up on Hyunjin. She was still distraught (who wouldn't be?). She would only answer Heejin's questions— _Are you okay? Do you want anything? etc., etc._ —with low hums, not directly answering any of them and merely staring at the ceiling with a blank stare. 

She couldn't help thinking about the events that led up to everything that happened; she understood _why_ Heejin had opened the door, she just couldn't understand why Heejin didn't listen to her. The prospect of a child suffering when they could do something to help had clouded Heejin's mind, Hyunjin _understood that_ , but there were so many warning signs as to why it wasn't true. Even before the outbreak, Hyunjin had witnessed corruption firsthand—either from her foster family or just the neighborhood she lived in, not to mention everything else that happened around the world—but it was like Heejin was shielded from all of that. Her ignorance and naivety were detrimental, especially now in the world they lived in. 

But she didn't feel any ill feelings towards Heejin. She didn't think she ever could. 

All that mattered was that she protected Heejin, even if that meant killing someone to do it.

When Heejin returned to the bed and slipped under the covers, Hyunjin immediately turned on her side to latched herself to her—ignoring the flares of pain that spread throughout her body—and pulled the small girl closer. "Heejin?" she said, her voice small as the girl in question turned on her side as well to face Hyunjin, one hand coming up to gingerly caress the bruise on her jaw. She hummed in response, prompting Hyunjin to continue but she hesitated for a moment, unsure how to voice her thoughts. "Just... just promise me something like that won't happen again. Please? I-I don't think I can go through that again."

She knew Heejin's intentions were good, but she had to get her point across. They couldn't afford any slip up these days. 

Hyunjin's eyes had dropped down, her eyes half-lidded as she stared at the covers draped over her body. She didn't want to hurt Heejin's feelings or make it seem like she was the one to blame—it wasn't Heejin who nearly beat her to a pulp, after all, it was the crazed man who barged in. But then she felt a warm, light pressure on her forehead, something that only lasted a couple of seconds but filled her with comfort even when Heejin pulled away to speak, "I promise, Hyunjin." Her voice cracked as she continued and it made Hyunjin instinctively grab hold of the material of Heejin's sweater, "I know I've said it a hundred times, but I'm so sorry. It—if I hadn't opened the door then—"

Hyunjin pressed herself forward until the small space between them was nonexistent, her head placed against Heejin's chest as she wrapped her arms around her stomach, pulling the two of them together. "It's not your fault, okay?" she mumbled, listening to Heejin's heart rapidly beat against her chest, the shallow breaths she took, she felt Heejin's chin come to rest on top of her head, even the fingers that drummed erratically against her back. 

They both remained quiet after that, their presence alone was enough to slowly calm them down. Hyunjin didn't attempt to close her eyes, too afraid to be haunted by the glassy eyes staring blankly at her or the feeling of the knife sliding into skin and flesh. Her hold tightened around Heejin, trying hard to fight off the fear that was slowly creeping through her mind like some kind of parasite. 

"I was so afraid, Hyunjin." Heejin's voice was broken, on the verge of tears, but she continued after sniffling, "I-I saw him... beating you up without a-a hint of remorse; how-how he kicked you over and over again. He— _I thought you were going to die._ " She choked up then, a strained cry escaping her as she shook her head, her own arms tightening around Hyunjin so much that she was feeling the bruised skin scream in protest but she couldn't care less about her injuries when Heejin was distressed. "I-I thought I was going to watch you _die._ " Hyunjin's heart plummeted. "And-and I didn't do _anything_ about it. I-I couldn't get myself to move or to try and help and _I don't know why_." 

Heejin had shuffled down slightly to burrow her head into Hyunjin's shoulder, her entire body shaking from the force of her crying. "Heejin—" she attempted to stop her rambling. She hated seeing her like this.

"I hate this world, I hate it _so_ much. I want things to go back to the way they were. I-I don't want to be cold and hungry all the time, I don't want monsters attacking us, I don't want _people_ attacking us, I don't want to be so afraid of everything around us." A sob wracked her body, her words coming out more broken and weak, "I want to go back to school every day, I want to hang out with our friends like we used to, I want to spend time with you the way we used to, _I-I want my parents back_ ," her last wish came out especially strained, the emotion filtering through with no restraint. " _I don't want to lose you, Hyunjin._ "

And, finally, the dam broke. 

She could feel Heejin's sobs reverberate through her chest, she could feel how tightly Heejin was holding on to her hoodie, she could hear how broken and defeated Heejin was. 

Hyunjin felt her own heart crack into tiny little pieces. She hadn't seen Heejin break down this bad since the first time they saw her father at the top of the stairs, a zombie feasting on him like it was its last meal.

She willed herself to put aside her own distraught feelings and to instead focus on calming Heejin down. Without hesitating, she bowed her head slightly to press her lips to her forehead, feeling the warmth as she lingered for a couple of seconds—much like Heejin had done to her before—and stroked her hand up and down her back. Her other hand cradled the back of Heejin's head gently, pressing against it slowly so that she could comfortably rest against Hyunjin's chest and cocoon her in a bundle of warmth and protection. She began to softly rake her fingers through Heejin's hair, untangling any knots she encountered but also attempting to soothe the girl in her arms. 

"You're not gonna lose me," Hyunjin mumbled against the top of Heejin's head before she pressed a light kiss to her hair, closing her eyes briefly before she stared at the wall on the other side. She focused on the gradual tension being released from Heejin's body as she slackened her hold on her hoodie and the slow evening of her breaths with the occasional hiccups until Hyunjin was sure the panic had passed and sleep had succumbed to her mind. 

Still, though, Hyunjin kept her secure hold on Heejin, her hand never faltering or leaving Heejin's hair as she caressed it or even daring to move any other part of her body in fear of waking her up. Exhaustion creeping around the edges of her mind but every time she dared to close her eyes all the events would flash before her and she'd shoot her eyes back open.

Holding onto Heejin kept her grounded. 

Having Heejin beside her was enough to get her through this hell. 


	9. leaving.

They left the next morning.

Sometime during the night, Hyunjin did manage to get some sleep—how? She wasn't too sure of that herself but it didn't leave her feeling well-rested. All she knew when she woke up—Heejin still in her arms but awake and simply burrowed in Hyunjin's hold—was that she needed to get out of the house. 

Heejin didn't complain. She told Hyunjin to stay in bed while she went to go pack their things up. Hyunjin had protested, trying to refute that she could get up and help too but Heejin had refused and even pushed her gently back down on the bed when she tried to get up (not to mention the very brief flash of pain that flared up her body when she sat up).

When Heejin had retrieved everything—their backpack, extra clothes, food, her crowbar, and Hyunjin's bat (Heejin had also packed the knife into the backpack, unsure how Hyunjin would react to seeing it again)—she then helped Hyunjin get up from the bed. 

It was a difficult task, to say the least. Hyunjin's injuries were still fresh and walking was a proven obstacle but she insisted that they get moving. Heejin couldn't refuse her.

They were able to get down the stairs—Hyunjin having to heavily rely on Heejin to help her down the steps—and despite knowing what she was going to be met with when they got to the living room, it did nothing but nauseate Hyunjin the moment she saw the body. But rather than the gruesome scene she expected to be there, however, the body had been covered with a bedsheet—a noticeable dark red stain in the center of the mass along with some other areas. She didn't say anything and neither did Heejin. Hyunjin felt the guilt wash over her, the weight of what she had done an everlasting presence bearing on her shoulders but Heejin made sure to step in between her and the body as she maneuvered them around the living room and to the barricaded door. 

While Heejin had been moving the armchair (Hyunjin, once again, offered to help, but Heejin was persistent about her not doing so because of her injuries), Hyunjin took the chance to glance over her shoulder. She looked at the covered-up body, her eyes trained on the prominent bloodstain that turned the white sheets a dark burgundy that she should have been used to seeing.

She didn't get very long to degrade herself mentally for Heejin began leading her out of the cabin—away from the person she killed. 

+++

It was a difficult trek with Hyunjin's injuries. It didn't help that they had to traverse through uneven land, steep hills, and loose soil. But they both decided to head back toward the general direction of the town, hoping to maybe come across a similar house or cabin of some sort. Besides, being so near a dense forest must have attracted plenty of hunters and nature buffs to the area, surely there was some sort of shelter that wasn't in the center of town. 

So the two, slowly but surely, made their way around the town. Not exactly walking beside the roads and buildings but close enough so that they could see glimpses of them through the trees if they looked hard enough. 

Hyunjin tried hard to mask the flares of pain that would erupt in her torso with every wrong move. She didn't know if Heejin was aware of it or if she decided to stay quiet about it; she knew how Hyunjin could get when someone fussed over her injuries. It was her own stubbornness keeping it all at bay, but it was also a lifetime of practice that got her to it. Her living situation before primed her to hide her discomfort from things as best she could, she was practically a natural at it. 

(But killing the man had rattled her so much that she had no way to build those walls quick enough, her defenses ran short and she was struck by the truth of the situation that hit her harder than the force of a tsunami.)

+++

"Are you okay, Hyun?" Hyunjin didn't even pick up her head from how it hung low, leaning against a tree and simply letting the rough bark press against her back. 

"I've told you already," she hadn't meant to sound so irritated, but she didn't want Heejin worrying about her. " _I'm fine_." It was a lie, though. They had been walking for hours, the amount of stress and the limit she was putting her body through was taking its toll on her. Every shallow intake of breath felt like she was inhaling molten lava with how much her chest burned, the stiffness in the upper half of her body making it harder to move and walk at a normal pace, even the lack of sleep and food and water over the course of a few days made her feel more fatigued than ever. 

"I know, but..." Heejin trailed off and when Hyunjin looked up, she was met with those warm brown eyes she had been so used to seeing time and time again. But they were clouded in concern and worry she had also grown used to seeing. She wished they would light up again the way they used to, so bright and mesmerizing every time they met up with each other after a long day. "I'm just worried about you, Hyun," her voice was so quiet, so gentle. So broken.

Hyunjin, with every ounce of energy she had in her body to push away the pain, stepped away from the tree to come face to face with Heejin, but the latter looked towards the ground with a somber expression. For a moment, Hyunjin inspected Heejin up close; she noted the frown tugging her lips that seemed to occur more often than before, the slight crease between her brows that formed more frequently, a smudge of dirt that streaked across her cheek. Without hesitation, Hyunjin brought her hand up to cup Heejin's cheek, her thumb brushing over the stain and ultimately bringing Heejin's gaze back up to hers. 

"You don't need to worry about me," she said softly, focusing on the way Heejin's eyebrows lifted up and dropping her hand when she got rid of the smudge—she didn't even know how it had managed to get on Heejin's face in the first place. "I'm fine, really."

Heejin remained mum, neither making a verbal response or any motion with her head to show she understood—or perhaps not. Instead, she gazed up at Hyunjin, her face betraying nothing other than her previous concern, her eyes unwavering as she took in Hyunjin's look. Hyunjin let her, simply waiting patiently for Heejin so that they could move on. 

"Okay." 

Hyunjin released a breath she had been holding in, the aching in her chest making it known that she was not remotely close to being okay or fine. But she just wanted to convince Heejin that they could keep going—that _she_ could keep going. The look on Heejin's face before she turned around, though, didn't make it seem like Hyunjin was convincing enough. 

+++

They had walked for another hour, Hyunjin having to stop multiple times just to try and let the pain subside before moving on again but also using that time to replenish some energy and eat some of the very little food they had. They were well past the town by then but resorted to veering over to the road that led out of it and to who-knew where. At least then they had some direction and weren't just wandering blindly through the woods.

However, it did make them more exposed; they didn't have the cover of the trees or foliage to at least keep them somewhat hidden. They hadn't encountered much trouble, though, the only things were some wandering zombies that they avoided—either they stopped and hid behind something and waited for it to pass or they went around it at a very wide range. They often had little trouble throughout the day.

But it was rapidly getting dark and they still haven't found shelter. It was an impending problem that loomed over both of them, Hyunjin especially because _she_ was the reason they had left the safety of the cabin they had found in the first place. _Why did I make us leave?_ But then her mind would flash back to the body, to the knife, the blood on the bedsheet and she'd feel like crumbling to the ground. 

"Wait," Heejin mumbled, momentarily removing the backpack from her shoulders to set it down and dig through it. Hyunjin only stood by, watching in confusion until Heejin pulled out a folded piece of paper with a lot of creases and a faded blue color. 

"Wh—is that a map?" Hyunjin asked, leaning over Heejin's shoulder as she began to unfold it and scan it from top to bottom. 

"Um," Heejin hummed, clearly distracted as she inspected the map. "Yeah, I found it in the house."

Hyunjin narrowed her eyes down at the piece of paper, trying hard to remember a time where Heejin even mentioned it or if she had seen the map at a certain point in time, but nothing rang a bell. "When did you get a map?" She genuinely had no idea when Heejin had acquired a map, "And now? You decide to use it now?" It was slightly baffling to Hyunjin that Heejin had never mentioned ever getting a map or the fact that they could have used it the moment they left the cabin.

"Umm," she prolonged her humming, starting to walk forward once more with Hyunjin reluctantly and slowly in tow, "this morning," Heejin straightened the map, bringing it up so that it covered her line of sight of the road but seemingly plenty confident in where she was heading. "And we didn't really need it this morning anyway," she countered, causing Hyunjin to huff out a breath. 

"We could've used it," speeding up her pace to match Heejin's, she looked over her shoulder once more to inspect the map for herself. "What if a different way led to another house? Or even a whole ass neighborhood?"

"Well, it didn't. Look," a finger came up as Heejin pointed at the town they had come from, dragging it across to another road that ran through it. "The other road we could've taken just goes straight to a highway. We would've been walking for hours." 

"We _have_ been walking for hours, Heejin!" Hyunjin hadn't meant to snap, but it was everything piling onto her that was getting to her head and loosening her self-control over her emotions. She stopped in the middle of the road prompting Heejin to turn around and drop the map from her field of view. "We walked through the forest for _hours,_ we've been walking on this road for _hours_ , and we're gonna keep walking on this road for more hours until it gets too fucking dark to see five feet in front of us and, the next thing you know, a zombie's gonna come out of nowhere and fucking kill us both!" Her voice raised increasingly as her frustrations becoming more and more apparent. 

"Hyun...?" Heejin tried to intervene, tried to get her to calm down, but Hyunjin couldn't stop. 

"And you know why? You wanna know why, Heejin?" she barked out a forced laugh, a frantic hand running through her hair to get it out of her face. "It's because _I_ made us leave that stupid cabin. We had everything we needed there, right? Shelter, some food, water, literally a fucking dream of a place in the midst of a batshit crazy zombie apocalypse. And you know what I decide?" Her chest was aching but she couldn't get herself to stop and try to calm down. "I decided that because I _murdered_ a person in that very same cabin, we should leave. Because I couldn't get over the fact that I killed someone there, I couldn't deal with the guilt because I'm a murderer. That guy—whoever the fuck he was—is just sitting there. A rotting, decomposing corpse that we left behind because I told you we _had_ to." 

"Hyunjin, wait—" 

"It's my fault, Heejin," her voice cracked and tears sprung in her eyes. "It's _all_ my fault. Us leaving, killing that guy, you getting hurt, I—" her breath caught in her throat and she forced out a cough, her chest screaming in protest from the involuntary action as she turned away and brought up her hand to wipe furiously at the tears that streamed down her face. _It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault._

 _"_ M-Monster."

_Monster._

Hyunjin felt like a monster. The last bit of her resolve nearly crumbled at hearing Heejin say it, and Hyunjin felt it to the core. _I'm a monster._

"Hyunjin!" Heejin grabbed at her arm, turning rapidly toward her when she heard how prominent the fear sounded in her voice. "Monsters!"

The panic written all over Heejin's face finally processed through Hyunjin's mind, looking over her shoulder to see two— _no, four_ —zombies emerging from the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter if you'd like @/kiiddway ! you can check out my cc and ask a question about the fic or we can just chat. enjoy the chapter!


	10. savior.

Zombies, by default, don't move fast. They aren't agile, they aren't quick, they don't have good coordination, they don't do things efficiently. It was quite simple just outrunning one or even a small group of them. Zombies stumbled around like they were drunk, constantly looking as if they might trip on air or tilt over and fall because they lost their balance.

Generally, neither Hyunjin nor Heejin would have much trouble outrunning one or two zombies, it just wouldn't be that much of an issue losing their tail. 

But they were both recovering from fairly fresh injuries. They were by no means healed up. They were nowhere near fit to run away. 

Hyunjin watched in horror as the four zombies shambled their way from the forest line, stumbling and shoving each other to get to Heejin and her. She felt herself go lightheaded at the prospect of possibly dying, her legs trembling and her heart thundering at the image of four pairs of hands clawed and scratched her while however many sets of teeth and incisors tore through her flesh. She saw the dried blood on the tips of their gray fingers, the skin ripped away to reveal the bloodied bone beneath decaying flesh, the way their mouths gaped open and closed like someone gasping for air, the cloudiness in their bloodshot eyes. It was everything out of a nightmare. 

Behind her, Heejin began pulling on Hyunjin's arm away from the danger. "Hyunjin, we gotta go," she cried out, her words nearly being drowned out by the continuous groaning and growls and wheezing coming from the zombies. "Please, Hyun, c'mon."

Hyunjin complied at first, turning to try and jog away with Heejin—it was their best shot, after all—but she had only gone for a couple of yards before the pain all over her chest flared with immense pain. Slowing to a standstill, she ripped her arm out of Heejin's grip—vaguely aware of the zombies in pursuit behind them—and held out her hand instead, "Give me my bat." 

After everything had gone to hell, even after the entire world was infested with the undead coming to life, Hyunjin had always been the one to deal with the zombies. Heejin had a crowbar only if they ever really needed her to use it. But Hyunjin knew how difficult it was for Heejin to even think about that; her friend wouldn't even be able to hurt a fly, much less someone who used to be human. It was just easier for both of them that Hyunjin was the one to take the brunt of the damage—to be the one to take care of all the zombies they encountered. It didn't matter how much it took a toll on Hyunjin, she didn't want Heejin to worry about her. 

"What?" Heejin mumbled, going to grab Hyunjin's arm again but the latter avoided the attempt and held her hand out again. 

"My bat, Heejin. Give it to me." 

"Wh-Why? No, c'mon, we can get away, come on." Hyunjin could hear them getting closer, heard the scuffing of their shoes on the pavement, the growls they emitted with every step. 

"I can't run, Heejin!" she snapped and saw the way Heejin flinched back at her increased volume, but Hyunjin was beginning to panic and she needed Heejin to get away. "I-I can at least try and fight them, okay?" she added in a softer tone, stepping closer to Heejin and briefly looking over her shoulder to see the zombies closing in on them; one of them in particular just a little bit faster than the others. "Heejin, give it to me." 

"N-No, Hyunjin, wait," tears sprung up into her eyes but Hyunjin wasn't looking at Heejin anymore, her eyes were glued to the handle of her bat sticking out of the backpack. 

Without thinking further of it, Hyunjin lunged for the bat and yanked it out of the backpack while trying hard to ignore the pain from doing so. And when she managed to pull it out, she weakly used her other hand to push Heejin away. "Just-just go, okay? I'll catch up, I-I—" she was about to promise Heejin she'd get back to her, but she couldn't get the words out. "I can hold them off for a little bit." Hyunjin pulled away when Heejin tried to grab her again, ignoring her protests and the way it felt like the entire universe was crushing her beneath its weight.

Hyunjin was scared of death; terrified of it.

She was even more so when she was staring death right in the face, in four different variations. 

But what good will it do if both of them die? 

The first zombie—a teenage girl with a large gash going down her cheek and to her collarbone, her left arm hanging loosely by her side at an odd angle, and her mouth frothing at the corners with an unnatural reddish-brown substance—lunged at her, but Hyunjin reared back and avoided the swing. "Hyunjin!" she heard Heejin cry, but she pushed it to the back of mind, focusing now on the zombie's vulnerability as it tried to recover from its failed attempt to grab her. Taking the opportunity, she swung the bat and felt the impact when she collided the end of it to the zombie's temple, sending it flying to the side. 

The pain she felt was equivalent to being run over by a car. She nearly doubled over because of the agony caused by her body, she used her bat as leverage when she bent over to cough, only doubling the pain she felt in her chest. 

"Stop, please! Help me!" Hyunjin whipped her head over to the zombie, seeing a moment of the undead girl raise her hands up in self-defense and cowering on the ground. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, help me!" 

Her heart stopped. Hyunjin felt it completely go still. It talked. It talked—she talked. Hyunjin couldn't believe it. Her bat clattered to the ground. 

Falling back, Hyunjin stared as the girl slowly pushed herself up, any remnant of humanity gone in an instant that for a moment she worried she imagined it. 

But she was sure she heard it. Hyunjin was right.

She didn't think her theory was actually real—the zombie was on her hands and knees, her head whipping around to stare at Hyunjin with lifeless eyes and a hungry mouth emitting loud wheezes. It was just that; a theory, an idea. She couldn't have possibly been right—the zombie snarled, stained teeth bared and her mouth leaking with dark blood and saliva. 

And then, a sledgehammer smashed into the girl's head, brain matter and skull fragments flying all over the pavement. Hyunjin flinched when she felt some landed near her, and when she looked up to the owner of the sledgehammer she was surprised to see a familiar face. 

"H-Haseul?" she gasped taking notice of the other three zombies, all in a similar state to the teenage girl; heads smashed and lying in a heap on the pavement. Heejin rushed to Hyunjin's side, checking for any injuries while Hyunjin sat shellshocked by the new arrival. 

"Hey," Haseul replied, her chest heaving slightly as she ran a hand through her short, disheveled hair and the sledgehammer—the end of it completely stained and covered in blood—held loosely in Haseul's hand. "You okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a pretty short chapter, but a familiar face has come back :))) if you have any questions or just wanna chat, hit me up on cc @kiiddway


	11. onward.

Hyunjin stared dumbfounded at Haseul who seemed so unfazed at the fact that she just took down four zombies singlehandedly. She merely looked around at the mess surrounding them, the dark blood staining the pavement below them along with some discolored pieces of skin and bone lying about. But Hyunjin still couldn't wrap her head around the zombie who spoke to her— _who begged her to stop._

"Did you see it?" she blurted out, feeling Heejin's hands abruptly stop on her shoulder and watching Haseul turn to her with her brows furrowed. 

"See what?" Haseul questioned, absently tapping the end of the sledgehammer against the ground in an attempt to clean it of the blood and skin that clung to it. 

"The-the girl! The zombie!" Hyunjin pointed at the girl whose head was now smashed in. 

Haseul then diverted her attention to the zombie she had killed before turning back to Hyunjin, her free hand coming up to scratch the back of her neck. "Yeah, I—uh," Haseul lightly kicked the zombie's limp hand, "I see it, all right."

"No! I mean—" Hyunjin tried pushing herself up hastily, but Heejin's hands kept her down. "I mean did-did you hear her talk?" she wasn't only asking Haseul this time, she turned to Heejin expecting to get a confirmation from either of them. 

But all she was met with was confused and concerned stares. 

"Talk?" Heejin mumbled, her brows upturned as she looked at Hyunjin. 

"Zombies don't talk," Haseul added.

"But—"

"Listen," Hyunjin was cut off by Haseul who gestured to the corpses around her, "unless you want more zombies on our ass, I suggest _we_ get moving."

This time, it was Heejin who interjected, " _We?_ "

"You guys look like you need a place to stay."

"We don't even know you," Hyunjin could feel the grip of Heejin's hand around her shoulder tighten.

"Hyunjin knows me," Haseul said matter-of-factly, lazily gesturing with her hand toward Hyunjin, to which Heejin turned to her expectantly.

"At the pharmacy," she mumbled, watching recognition flash on Heejin's expression as she curtly nodded. 

"If you guys don't want to come with, then that's fine. Just figured since you're out here and all that," Haseul sighed, briefly rolling up one of her sleeves to inspect a watch that made Hyunjin wonder if it actually worked. "But I really need to get back to my little sister so..." she trailed off looking to Hyunjin who still sat on the floor with Heejin crouched next to her. "Can we go?"

Hyunjin made to get up, only to be assisted by Heejin when she winced at the pain. "Be careful, Hyun," she heard Heejin mumble in her ear until she was able to stand up. 

"You hurt?" Haseul asked. "Wait... you're not bitten, are you?" As Heejin went to retrieve Hyunjin's bat from the ground, Hyunjin could see the way Haseul's grip on her sledgehammer tightened and her expression harden when she glanced over Hyunjin to find any sort of bite marks.

"N-No!" Hyunjin quickly refuted, taking the bat from Heejin and leaning her weight against it. "I mean—I _am_ hurt. Just not bitten. I swear." From beside her, Heejin's hand came to lightly grab at Hyunjin's hoodie sleeve, edging herself closer as they both watched Haseul with bated breaths. 

And then Haseul's eyes flickered up to meet Hyunjin's and Hyunjin swore that she recognized the flash of acceptance in them when Haseul nodded—she wasn't going to pry Hyunjin for the details and, for that, Hyunjin was grateful. "Okay," clearing her throat, Haseul walked past the two of them, continuing on down the road. "Let's get going then."

Heejin and Hyunjin turned to follow her, having to use her bat as a walking stick as Heejin linked their arms together. But Hyunjin couldn't get it out of her head. She couldn't get the girl out of her head. She was _sure_ she heard her. It had to have been real. She saw the way she cowered in fear _from her_ —from Hyunjin. 

"Heejin," Hyunjin muttered, garnering Heejin's attention when she turned to look at Hyunjin, but she kept staring straight ahead to where Haseul was walking. "You heard her, right? You-you saw her?" When Heejin didn't answer right away, Hyunjin finally turned to look at her—noting in the back of her mind how she still slightly limped and how her face had paled. "Heejin?"

"No, Hyunjin." It was practically a whisper, but Hyunjin could feel the weight behind the words, "All I saw was a monster."

**+++**

Haseul had led them to a small, run-down motel—it was quite a lengthy walk, especially with Hyunjin and Heejin's injuries dragging them behind—in a clearing seemingly looking devoid of any human life. The big motel sign above the building seeming much more ominous with the dim glow of the sun sinking below the horizon, the moon and stars replacing the sun's bright radiance with their own pale glimmer. 

"My sister and I share a room," Haseul spoke up, turning to the two briefly as she walked toward one of the rooms on the bottom level. "I'm guessing you two are gonna share, too, so just choose any of the rooms—they're all unlocked, just use the deadbolt and chain lock to keep it shut. Can't guarantee they have good stuff in there after people ransacked stuff, but there aren't any more zombies around." Haseul stopped behind a door, turning to face Heejin and Hyunjin with a look Hyunjin could only decipher as pity. "We can all talk tomorrow. For now, just get some rest."

And with that, Haseul turned toward the door and knocked on it before a voice called out from within, "Who is it?" 

As Heejin was beginning to direct them toward one of the other rooms, Hyunjin turned back to see Haseul rolling her eyes and responding, "Santa Claus. Use the peephole, Yeojin."

She didn't get to hear the rest of their conversation. She let herself be dragged by Heejin as they checked a couple of rooms—Heejin would be the one to check, always opening the door just enough to peek her head in before shaking her head and moving onto the next—until they finally found one that wasn't completely ransacked or destroyed. There were two single beds—luckily, the covers hadn't been taken and the sheets looked somewhat unkempt, but clean, considering the state of the other rooms—a bathroom cast to the side but even just taking a quick glance in there could confirm her suspicions that there was nothing in there, a dresser opposite the beds with a small TV on it against the wall, and a nightstand placed in between the two beds with a lamp. It was dark in the room and with no electricity working anywhere, the only light they'd get would be when the sun came back out so that it could filter some light through the one window planted next to the door. 

Hyunjin stepped further into the room as Heejin locked the door behind her. Dropping her bat to the ground carelessly, Hyunjin slipped off her shoes before sitting at one of the beds. 

"Do you think the lock chain works well enough for the lock?" Heejin asked. 

But Hyunjin was still too bothered to try and converse with Heejin. 

"Hyunjin?" 

"You really didn't see the girl be human for a split second?" she blurted out, her hand gripping the sheets below her. "I _swear_ she did, Heejin. I swear."

Like before, Heejin didn't respond right away. So, Hyunjin waited. She'd wait all night if she had to just to get a definitive answer. But she didn't know what to do or what to think if Heejin denied it again. Because that would mean something she didn't want to think about—not even just a singular thing, there was a mountain of problems behind it if it wasn't true. 

"I didn't, Hyun," she finally said and it took everything in Hyunjin to not just crumple down. 

"I-I know what I saw," her voice wavered, she wished it didn't. "Zombies are still human; they're just trapped and they-they can't control what their bodies are doing. She-she was begging for it to stop—for _me_ to stop, Heejin. She was _alive_ for a second—just for a second, I know it."

Her view of the ground was obstructed when Heejin kneeled in front of her, holding Hyunjin's gaze even in the darkness of the room. "Hyunjin," she placed her hand on Hyunjin's knee, " _nothing_ happened."

But Hyunjin didn't want to believe it. Hyunjin shook her head, "No, no. You're wrong, Heejin. I know what I saw, I know—"

"Hyunjin." Heejin's voice was so calm, so leveled. It contrasted so much to Hyunjin's almost panicked responses, her shortness of breath just thinking about the topic. "You didn't see anything because nothing happened to that girl." Then in a quieter voice and her hand slipping off Hyunjin's knee, "She was just a monster."

It finally struck Hyunjin no matter how much she didn't want it to be true. All the doubts that had lingered in the back of her mind pushed right up to the top and clouded her in self-doubt and uncertainty because how could it have not happened? It sounded so real, looked so real, there was absolutely no way it couldn't have happened. 

She just couldn't get herself to agree verbally, "No, that's not true! It was real—it really happened! She-she told me to stop, she told me she was _sorry._ I didn't—I'm not making this up!" Hyunjin was growing frantic, her hands clenched into fists around the sheets and her voice shaky with each word."

"Hyunjin—"

"I-I didn't hallucinate it, I _didn't_." It hurt her chest with how erratic her breathing had gotten, "I-I don't have hallucinations, I've never had them in my life, Heejin. You know that." 

Heejin didn't move from where she was kneeled down, silent as she watched Hyunjin and waited for her to calm down—or at least, that's what Hyunjin thought she was doing. She just wished Heejin would agree with her. She didn't want to be wrong about this one thing. She didn't want to be wrong about something that felt and looked so real. 

"You should get some rest, Hyun," Heejin finally spoke up, standing and making Hyunjin follow her movements. "We can talk some more in the morning."

And maybe it was the exhaustion settling in or maybe it was because she didn't want to upset Heejin anymore. Whatever it was, Hyunjin complied. Maybe it would all clear up in the morning, maybe she'd feel better after getting a good night's sleep, maybe tonight she wouldn't get any nightmares. 

So when she moved to the head of the bed and draped the covers over herself, she was glad that Heejin still decided to crawl in with her rather than choosing the other bed in the room. She didn't hesitate in latching herself to Heejin, her close proximity bringing her the comfort she so dearly needed. Her arm draped over Heejin's stomach, her forehead resting against the top of Heejin's head just letting herself mull over the past events as she closed her eyes— the man kicking her, then her killing him, the zombie that spoke to her, her apparent hallucinations, seeing Haseul again. And when it seemed like it was all about to spill over and leave her in ruin just like it had done all the other times—when it seemed like she wouldn't be able to go to sleep peacefully—she felt Heejin's hand lock with the one resting on her stomach.

Such a simple action grounded her, like an anchor for a ship. Hyunjin squeezed Heejin's hand lightly, relishing in the warmth and security she provided. And maybe it was just for the moment, but everything Hyunjin had gone through slipped through the cracks and left her mind blissfully blank. Just for the night would she have some kind of closure around herself where none of the bad things could break through the barrier, none could destroy and belittle her, nothing could hurt or damage her. It didn't matter if it was only for one night for she would take every second, every minute, every hour of this night to forget about everything that's happened. 

All that mattered was that Heejin was still by her side, that they were both still alive despite all the odds thrown at them. How could Hyunjin not cherish the only thing keeping her alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have anything to say idk, how's 2020 going for ya  
> i woke up with a hangover so that was not fun


	12. temporary peace.

It was blank.

She had a blank, dreamless night. 

It was bliss. 

She wished every night was like that. 

No nightmares, no constant interruptions of sleep, no worrying. Just a simple good night's sleep. 

So when she woke up to sunlight streaming through the window—just slightly obscured by the curtains—and feeling the warmth of Heejin and the sheets wrapped around her, she momentarily forgot about their situation. 

It made her long for the days she would wake up at Heejin's house when they had sleepovers, having stayed too late watching cheesy and bad movies for the hell of it, and then bounding down the stairs to scrounge for any food Heejin's parents left behind before they went to work. Nostalgia hit her like a freight train and she immediately closed her eyes to take in the last few moments before reality would hit harder than any train could.

When Heejin began to stir, Hyunjin instinctively tightened her hold around her, groaning in protest when Heejin continued to shift around and promptly giggling at Hyunjin's antics.

"We have to get up," Heejin grumbled, her voice naturally deeper and raspier from having just woken up. 

But Hyunjin protested, burying her head into the crook of Heejin's neck as she pulled her closer, so lost in the domesticity of it all. For even just a moment, Hyunjin was content to have it in her hands—to have Heejin right beside her with nothing in harm's way. It would be so simple to ignore everything that was happening outside and focus on the safety and comfort within the confines of the motel room. It was so, _so_ simple. 

"I don't want to," Hyunjin huffed tiredly when Heejin tried to wiggle her way out again.

However, they both froze when they heard a series of knocks outside the door.

And then, it was like whiplash for Hyunjin remembering the events that led them here in the first place.

"It's Haseul." 

The familiarity of the arrival still did little to soothe Hyunjin's sudden nerves. 

"And Yeojin!" a younger sounding voice called out.

Taking advantage of Hyunjin's frozen state, Heejin slipped out of her grasp and made her way over to the door before unlocking it—a brief wave of panic washing over Hyunjin at the action, flashes of memories and fear coursing through her against her will—and opening up for Haseul and a smaller girl to walk in. "Morning," Heejin politely greeted, closing and locking the door behind her once they both stepped through.

"Good morning!" the little girl responded in earnest, a large and bright—but dirty—orange backpack strapped over her shoulders as she held a small child-like toy cage filled with grass and leaves and dirt in one hand and in the other she held a stuffed red-eyed tree frog.

Hyunjin was still shaken up despite there being no source of danger, images still flashing through her mind like some sort of deranged show constantly taunting her. 

"So," Haseul spoke up, sporting her own dark gray backpack as she rested her sledgehammer against the wall, "you guys are welcome to stay here as long as you'd like. Just don't cause any problems and there won't be any."

"We can stay here?" Heejin asked, moving back over to the bed and sitting on the edge of it as Hyunjin slowly pushed herself up on her arms—wincing when she felt a sharp pain around her ribs. 

"Yeah, it's fine by me."

"And me!" the little girl spoke up, beaming a toothy grin up at Heejin and Hyunjin as she stood beside Haseul.

Sighing—though Hyunjin couldn't exactly tell if it was out of exasperation or impatience—Haseul placed a hand on top of the girl's head who seemed to be buzzing with energy, "This is my little sister, Yeojin."

"Hello!"

Hyunjin didn't greet her back—she was never comfortable around children, especially not ones with so much energy like Yeojin—but Heejin raised her hand and waved at Yeojin. "Hi! I'm Heejin and," Heejin dropped her hand to motion toward Hyunjin, briefly turning over her shoulder to glance at Hyunjin—Hyunjin immediately meeting her gaze before she turned back to Yeojin, "this is Hyunjin."

Yeojin shoved her toy frog under her arm so that she could raise her hand and wave enthusiastically back at Heejin, prompting a giggle from the older girl. Yeojin then brought her arm up to her face and coughed into her sleeve, and it was then that Hyunjin remembered Haseul mentioning that Yeojin had some kind of sickness—she couldn't remember the specifics. 

"Anyway," Haseul interjected, quickly brushing some of Yeojin's brown hair out of her face—reminding Hyunjin of all the times Heejin's mother used to do the same to Heejin. "I was gonna head back to town, look for some more stuff, and then come back before dark," she scratched the back of her neck and continued, "I was wondering if you two were wanting to come with and get some something."

"Oh!" Hyunjin's attention turned to Heejin, ideally confused by her sudden interest in the topic. "Yeah, actually, that'd be good. We need some food and water, anyway."

But Hyunjin was confused; they were fine. They had just gotten out of a bad situation the previous day. They should take the day to rest, to just get settled into their new— _temporary_ —home. _Why do we have to go out right now?_

"But—um," Hyunjin watched as Heejin turned aroundbriefly, her lower lip bitten down when she turned back to Haseul, "I think Hyunjin should stay."

"What?" Hyunjin interjected, forcing herself to sit up completely and prompting Heejin to turn around. "Why?"

"Hyunjin," Heejin shook her head, her eyes dropping down to the bedsheets, "you're hurt." 

"I-I still want to go." Desperation was clawing up her chest. After everything that happened, how could they just separate like that? Even if only for a few hours? 

"You're hurt," Heejin said again. 

"So are you!" Hyunjin shot back, her eyes briefly flickering down to the look at the bandages briefly noticeable beneath Heejin's jeans. "Let me go with you, Heejin. Or- or at least stay here with me."

Heejin finally brought her gaze up to meet Hyunjin's, and for a moment, Hyunjin thought she would be able to sway Heejin into either staying or letting her go with them. 

But Heejin shook her head, her hand coming down to squeeze Hyunjin's gently. "You can barely walk, Hyun. I won't be gone long. Plus, I'll have Haseul with me," Heejin quickly turned to Haseul, "Right?" 

On the other side of the room, Haseul nodded her head, her arms crossed over her chest and looking like she wanted to leave the room. "Right," she confirmed. 

"See?" Hyunjin watched Heejin's eyebrows quirk up. "I'll be fine." 

But she didn't want Heejin leaving her. She didn't want to be a motel room alone. She didn't like not knowing where Heejin would be, if she would be fine, or how long she would be gone for. Hyunjin didn't like it one bit. 

"Heejin—" 

" _Hyunjin_ ," Heejin cut her off before she could even begin to argue again, her hand removing itself from Hyunjin's as she stood up. "I'll be fine." 

To Hyunjin's surprise, Heejin's voice had hardened. It rendered her speechless. 

However, Haseul spoke up to fill the silence, "If you don't mind, Yeojin could stay in the room with you to keep you company. Plus," Haseul looked down at her sister, "it'll keep me from worrying if I knew someone was looking over her." 

Hyunjin didn't respond, growing slightly bitter and all the more concerned as she watched Heejin dig some things out of their shared backpack before removing the crowbar and slinging it over her shoulders. Having noticed Hyunjin's silence, Heejin turned to Haseul and nodded, "It's fine. She can stay." Heejin rested Hyunjin's bat next to Haseul's sledgehammer, as well as leaving some of the food they carried onto the nightstand next to the bed. 

Haseul's expression softened, looking more relieved as she brushed her hand over Yeojin's hair, the little girl reacting by moving her head away with an over the top annoyed expression on her own face. 

"I can take care of myself!" Yeojin puffed her cheeks up and her chest out, seemingly trying to look tough even with her small stature. 

"Yeah, I know," Haseul breathed out, a brief smile tugging her lips as she nodded and dropped her hand to her side. She then turned to Heejin, "You can wait outside if you're ready. Just wanna clear some things up with Yeojin." 

"Heejin—"

"I'll be back later, Hyun." Hyunjin's last attempt at persuading Heejin fell short as she unlocked the room's door and walked out.

She understood why Heejin was being a little cross with her, but Hyunjin still wished Heejin had stayed. 

"All right, kiddo," Hyunjin tore her attention away from the door—trying hard to ignore how it felt without Heejin by her side as Haseul kneeled down and began removing the backpack from Yeojin's shoulders. "You gotta behave, okay? This isn't like Jinsol when she babysat you and you're not gonna be alone this time so you can't trash the room." 

"Pillow forts aren't trashing!" Yeojin jutted her lower lip in a pout before having to bring her arm up to cough into her elbow, Haseul only shaking her head as she tried to repress a smile. 

"Just behave, all right? I'll be back real soon," after having taken out some things from the backpack—some food, water, medicine, and even some small stuffed animals that looked a little worse for wear—before she tugged Yeojin into her arms. The little girl reciprocated immediately, her smaller arms coming around to wrap around Haseul's neck and bury her face into her shoulder. Haseul's arms were tight around Yeojin's small body, looking like she was squeezing the life out of her but Yeojin was doing the exact same right back to her. "I love you, kid." 

"I love you, Seulie."

Hyunjin wasn't heartless. The interaction between big sister and baby sister tugged at her heart and even made her envy their relationship a little bit. 

Haseul began to loosen her hold around Yeojin, but before completely detaching from her sister, Haseul pressed a kiss to Yeojin's forehead—who whined and tried to get away—before ruffling her hair—protesting loudly again when her hair got messed up—and standing back up. 

Pointing a finger down at Yeojin, Haseul enunciated her words, " _Behave_."

"You've said it three times already," Yeojin pointed out, setting down her little plastic toy cage to fix her hair. "I'm not stupid."

"Hey," Haseul flicked her forehead, Yeojin wincing and immediately bringing her hand up to wince at the sore spot. "Language."

"But it's not even a bad word!" her voice increased in volume and made Hyunjin wince. But Haseul didn't even bat an eye. 

Instead, she turned to Hyunjin, readjusting her backpack straps and giving her a look Hyunjin couldn't quite decipher, "You sure you'll be okay here with her? She can be quite a handful."

Hyunjin opened her mouth to answer, but Haseul's last comment seemed to have struck a little chord in Yeojin because she spoke up before Hyunjin could even form a word, "Am not!" Yeojin coughed right after her rebuttal. 

But what other choice did Hyunjin have? What would happen if she refused? Yeojin just gets sent to their room? All alone? Not even Hyunjin could do that to the kid. She knew what it felt like. 

"Um," Hyunjin then nodded, bringing a hand up to rub at one of her eyes tiredly. "Yeah, it's fine. But—" she stopped herself for a moment, her eyes dropping the moment her hand fell to her lap, burrowing in the sheets only to pinch and twist the fabric. "Can... can you make sure Heejin's safe and- and everything?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll—"

"She- she doesn't fight them, Haseul." Hyunjin snapped her head up to look at Haseul, her hands gripping the sheets tightly in her hands now. "She's got that crowbar but she's never used it. So, please, _please_ make sure Heejin's all right, okay? I-I just don't know—I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her." 

She couldn't care less that she barely knew Haseul or that Yeojin was in the room. She _needed_ to make sure Haseul would protect Heejin while she wasn't there. Hyunjin needed to make sure Heejin was in good hands.

But when she looked at Haseul— _really_ looked at Haseul in her moment of slightly erratic breathing and increased heart rate—she could feel her nerves decrease little by little. 

"Heejin's gonna be fine. Be sure Yeojin takes her medicine if she starts coughing a lot," Haseul turned toward the door without waiting for Hyunjin to respond, opening it but pausing briefly. "Be good, kiddo," she directed toward Yeojin. 

"Bye, Seulie!" she waved at her older sister as she closed the door, leaving Hyunjin in a slight daze alone with a child she didn't know how to interact with or what to do with. 

For a moment, the two of them simply sat in silence, staring at the door Haseul walked out of. They both listened to the quiet chatter Heejin and Haseul interchanged before it dimmed down to nothing, seemingly having started on their way to the town. 

Slowly, Yeojin bent down to pick up the toy cage she had set down earlier. She then turned to face Hyunjin and held it up for Hyunjin to see all the foliage pressed against the plastic walls. 

Then with a small grin, Yeojin asked, "You wanna see my pet snail?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something nice and sweet for the whole family to enjoy  
> i wrote the majority of this on my phone on a 6 hour train ride from chicago after seventeen's concert the day before. that was a fun time pls take me back  
> anyways you can yell at me on my twitter or on my cc @kiiddway bye bye gn im tired


	13. terror.

"I think Kilchi gets lonely sometimes. He doesn't have anyone else in there with him."

"You haven't found another snail to keep him company?" 

"No," Yeojin sighed dejectedly and then coughed. "Not yet."

Despite her previous worries about having to take care of a nine-year-old she just met, Yeojin was much more tolerable than she had anticipated. Yeojin was young, maybe a little loud and talkative, but she was good company for Hyunjin. 

"I forgot to tell Seulie to look for one today, I told her yesterday but I guess she forgot." Hyunjin looked over at Yeojin, surrounded by her mass of stuffed animals on the other side of the bed and the plastic cage set on the nightstand next to the bed. 

"Well," Hyunjin cleared her throat, simply blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "it's not like it's the end of the world."

And it was then she realized just how stupid she sounded, just how idiotic the words that came out of her mouth were. They both silently stared at each other, simply taking in what Hyunjin just said until Yeojin made the first move to speak. 

"But it is."

And what was Hyunjin going to do? Deny it? 

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

Luckily for them—especially for Hyunjin's sake and dignity—they were interrupted by a series of quick knocks, similar to those she heard earlier in the morning. 

But it didn't matter that she already had an idea as to who it was—it's not like there were that many options to begin with—but it still sent tremors and fear through entire wellbeing. It didn't make sense to her how easily she could be frightened with just a couple of knocks on the door, but every time she heard it, it just brought her back to the cabin and the man and then it was all too much for her. 

"Seulie!" Yeojin cheered, immediately flinging off her stuffed animals to scramble off the side of the bed and toward the door.

"Wait, Yeojin—" but Yeojin had already unhooked the chain lock—having to jump up and reach it because of her small stature—and swung the door open. 

For a split second, Hyunjin really expected the worst; she expected some stranger to barge in through the door and knock Yeojin to the side, wielding a gun toward Hyunjin and pulling the trigger without remorse. 

But it was only Haseul, immediately sweeping Yeojin into her arms as the little girl laughed and wrapped her arms around her sister's neck. "Hey, kiddo," Haseul affectionately kissed Yeojin's cheek before she set her down and ushered them both into the room with Heejin in tow right behind them. Just seeing her all right and in one piece put Hyunjin at ease. 

"Did you get Kilchi a friend?" Yeojin asked expectantly as Heejin turned to lock the door behind them. 

"Shit," Haseul mumbled and Yeojin pouted from below her. "I'm sorry, Yeojin, I forgot."

Leaving the two sisters to converse with each other, Heejin walked around them to make her way to the bed, Hyunjin's heart leaping into her throat when she saw how disheveled Heejin looked. But once she picked her gaze up, Hyunjin saw a small smile form and it was no use holding back her own. "Hey," Heejin slipped the backpack from her shoulders, took her shoes off, and then climbed up onto the bed to sit with her legs crossed and across from Hyunjin. It seemed like any of the tension that simulated in the morning disappeared within the given time frame. The stuffed animals on the bed briefly caught Heejin's attention as she looked at the frog and the brown and white dog, the black monkey and the teddy bear, and who knew what else with the abundance Yeojin had in her possession.

"Hey," Hyunjin greeted back, looking briefly down at Heejin's foot before glancing back up. "Does it hurt?" she questioned, the concern evident in her tone as she checked on it again. Sure, her injury was healing up a bit with no issue, but it still worried Hyunjin that she spent the majority of the day walking around. 

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Heejin countered, but Hyunjin couldn't tell if she was just trying to avoid the question or if she was just brushing it off because she was feeling fine. 

"I'm fine," she dismissed, deciding that she didn't want to worry Heejin about the spikes of pain she felt whenever she breathed wrongly—however that worked, it would just happen and Hyunjin would have to take a moment to let the pain subside. 

"You know," turning around, Heejin leaned over the edge of the bed to dig through the backpack before she resurfaced with one of the bottles of painkillers they had, wiggling it in her hand and hearing all the pills rattle in the plastic bottle. "Haseul was telling me that these would help you. Numb the pain a little," she began twisting the lid open, Hyunjin only watched her quietly. "Kinda made me realize how much we forgot about these with..." she trailed off, either out of concentration as she put a little more force into popping the lid open or because she became hesitant, "with everything that happened."

It only reminded Hyunjin of the events that unfolded, how her mind was so enraptured by the one thing that led to another—the man forcing his way in, the way he kicked at Hyunjin like she was less than dirt, _killing_ the man, and then seeing the zombie girl come back to life for a split second. It was like the universe was throwing everything it had at her to see how long she would last with every blow to her mental and physical state. 

But when Heejin held out two white tablets for her to take, Hyunjin shook her head. "We should be saving those," it sounded logical to Hyunjin. "I'm fine, it doesn't hurt that bad," except, right as she said that, fate decided to screw her over when she accidentally shifted the wrong way and felt the pang rack the side of her body. Immediately, she winced and bit her lip, hoping that Heejin—by some chance—hadn't noticed it. 

Except she had and only urged for Hyunjin to take them again. 

However a loud laugh caught her attention and when she turned toward the source, she saw that Haseul had sat down on the ground with Yeojin sitting right in front of her as Haseul surged forward to invade Yeojin's space with her fingers, relentlessly tickling her younger sister's sides and pulling her into her lap as she held her hostage under her attack. They were in their own little world. 

It was endearing to watch, but Heejin clearing her throat prompted her to turn back to the matter at hand as Hyunjin reluctantly grabbed the tablets from Heejin's hand and tossed them into her mouth without a second thought. Tossing her head back, she swallowed and turned back to Heejin who's face had contorted with her brows furrowed and her nose crinkled, "Why didn't you take the water?"

And maybe it was because of Heejin's reaction, maybe it was because of the absurdity of it all, maybe she had just finally lost it, but it didn't really matter because it elicited a laugh from Hyunjin that somehow blended with Yeojin's hysterical laughter and Haseul's overjoyed one but it made her lose it all the more. And her heart felt so light, for once—just like it did that morning—and it just felt so _good_ to Hyunjin. 

How long had it been since she last laughed like that?

Heejin joined in and it all felt so right. She hadn't even realized how much she missed hearing Heejin's laugh. She missed seeing Heejin's genuine smile, hearing her laugh without restraint, watching the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners when she would display such levels of happiness. The serotonin was too much for Hyunjin, but somehow just enough. 

How long had it been since everything was so nice and calm and peaceful? Where everyone in the room was happy? Where it was filled with laughter and joy and not a care for the outside world?

_How long?_

**+++**

"How was it with Yeojin?"

Haseul and Yeojin had only just left a few minutes prior, Yeojin having to gather all her stuffed animals into their backpack and taking her snail, Kilchi, with her. But Yeojin had left one of her stuffed animals behind, a small, raggedy black cat with yellow eyes and white whiskers that Yeojin had actually handed to Hyunjin and told her to take care of it. Hyunjin held it gingerly in her hands as Heejin walked over to their backpack, gently running her fingers through its fur as if it would all fall apart in a mess of stuffing and string if she pressed too hard into it. 

"It was really good, actually. She's a fun kid," Hyunjin replied earnestly, placing the cat onto the pillow next to her and turning to watch as Heejin began pulling out clothes from the backpack. "You found some clothes?" she asked, taking a look at the large yellow hoodie and gray sweatpants along with some black leggings and a dark green fleece jacket. 

"Yeah! Haseul showed me this one store that still had some stuff in it." Heejin finally stood back up, a black beanie in hand that Hyunjin just _knew_ Heejin chose for herself, she remembered all the times she used to wear things like that. "You can have these," she pushed the hoodie and sweatpants toward Hyunjin, "and I'll take these." She bunched the others closer to herself and Hyunjin really couldn't help smiling at her antics.

"Okay," was all she said before she reached for the hoodie, it was plain with no designs or letters on it. She was glad to be getting rid of her other clothes, they were dirty with dirt and grime and stained with blood—she couldn't tell if the stains around her sleeve cuffs were from zombies or the man she killed; she didn't like thinking about it. 

Heejin simply took off the sweater she had on and slipped the fleece jacket over her undershirt, zipping it up before swapping her torn-up jeans for the leggings. While Heejin and Hyunjin have changed in front of each other plenty of times before, Hyunjin still diverted her gaze away feeling her face warm up every time the situation occurred. 

Rather than wait awkwardly for Heejin to finish, Hyunjin painstakingly removed herself from the bed—she hadn't been glued to it all day, Yeojin and her had moved around the room a little bit when Yeojin had convinced Hyunjin to play with her stuffed animals—and got to work taking off her pants and replacing them with the sweatpants. She felt stiff while doing it but at least she was able to do it, it was even better that they fit nicely on her. 

Maybe the painkillers hadn't fully kicked in yet or maybe they weren't working efficiently, but as she attempted trying to remove the hoodie, an all too familiar sharp feeling flashed through her torso that felt like she was being stabbed with multiple razor-sharp blades. Hyunjin winced and immediately dropped the hem of the hoodie, trying hard to let the pain subside so that she could try again.

"Hyunjin?" her back was to Heejin but she didn't need to turn around to know that she was looking worried. She bit back the sigh she nearly let loose when she heard Heejin's next question, "Do you need help?" 

It was a heavy burden on her knowing that she was barely capable of doing things herself. She didn't like relying on other people, especially not when she's hardly had to before. She grew up never relying on anyone but herself—and Heejin, but that was something else she couldn't fully wrap her mind around entirely yet. 

So she shook her head, refusing to look at Heejin in her moment of weakness despite having already bared herself like that multiple times, she was adamant about doing this _one_ thing by herself without needing help. "I can do it," she huffed, moving her hands back down to the hem of the hoodie to try again. 

Suddenly Heejin was right there in front of her—her hand grabbing Hyunjin's so that she stopped her from proceeding to risk irritating her injuries—with a softened expression that melted Hyunjin's entire resolve. "Just let me help."

Hyunjin mutely nodded, her hands already going slack as Heejin's went to grab hold of her hoodie, slowly pushing the fabric up—the cool air enveloping Hyunjin the more her skin was exposed—until Hyunjin was forced to bring her arms up—small pangs erupting from the movement but not as prominent as the first time she tried by herself. 

The hoodie was finally off and Hyunjin could feel the goosebumps rise immediately the moment it was cast to the side, but she flinched when she heard Heejin gasp, looking towards the side when she _felt_ Heejin's gaze roam over her body, scouring the bruises that engulfed her chest. Hyunjin didn't need to see to know what she looked like; all black and blue and red and purple. She might as well have been some overused punching bag.

Hyunjin couldn't get herself to look at Heejin, she didn't want to see the pity written all over her face, didn't want to see the sadness pooled in her eyes, didn't want to feel the weight of the guilt that hung over her by a thin thread. 

Instead, she felt a warm, featherlike touch on her skin, her body reflexively shivering as she turned to finally look down at Heejin, seeing the way the tips of her fingers skated down her ribs so cautiously as if she were made of glass. For a moment, Hyunjin just let her. She let Heejin take in the damage, the discolored skin that didn't belong, the injuries that scattered her body like some distorted, horrific painting. 

"Heejin," she finally broke the silence, Heejin's fingers falling still against her skin, her head just the slightest bit tilted up to look at Hyunjin with every ounce of compassion in her eyes. It nearly took her breath away.

It seemed like it shook Heejin out of whatever trance she was in before because she then reached behind Hyunjin to grab at the yellow hoodie resting on the bed. 

"I-I wish we had some ice for you," Heejin's voice shook, already getting the opening of the hoodie over Hyunjin's head. "Or- or at least a stupid doctor." 

Hyunjin's head popped through, the hood covering the top as she got her arms through with slow movements, no longer needing Heejin's help. "Yeah," Hyunjin agreed quietly, watching the way Heejin's hands played with the sleeves of her fleece jacket, looking down and hiding her expression. Hyunjin could tell Heejin was blaming herself—she just _knew_ she was. "It's- it's not that bad, really. It just looks rough." She hoped that it would be enough to put Heejin at ease.

"Still," Heejin mumbled, moving away from Hyunjin to step onto the bed, lifting the covers up so that she could wrap them around her, being mindful of the cat plushie on the pillow next to her head. "It would just make things better."

How could Hyunjin deny that?

She opted to not respond to that. Instead, she quietly sighed and followed Heejin under the covers—Heejin automatically making room for Hyunjin as she lifted the sheets up and let her crawl in. They lied facing each other, the cat plushie placed in between them and serving as some sort of faux barrier. 

Heejin's gaze was fixed on the cat, a thoughtful expression as her hand crept up to grab it, turning it around so that its head faced her. Hyunjin merely watched as her thumb caressed the cat's cheek, acting as if it was alive and could feel Heejin petting it. It brought Hyunjin's thoughts back to Yeojin, remembering how deadly serious she acted when she gave Hyunjin the cat before it cycled to the things they did together to pass the time. 

Hyunjin smiled and tugged the bed covers around herself a little more before asking, "Are you and Haseul going back out again tomorrow?" It seemed likely, but there was still that bitter feeling at the prospect of not being able to go. 

"Maybe?" She was still looking at the cat. "I think we might just relax tomorrow and then go the next day."

Hyunjin only hummed in response, watching Heejin play with the cat and enjoying listening Heejin talk about her "excursion" with Haseul, as she liked to call it. 

It seemed so easy to fall back into the groove of things. With the addition of Haseul and Yeojin, it felt nice having more people to interact with (even if one of them was a loud energetic nine-year-old).

But it was also so easy for her mind to slip through the cracks when Heejin described a small group of zombies (or monsters, as Heejin still called them). Remembering everything that's happened. Recalling every little detail that haunted her. 

Hyunjin sunk herself further into the covers, unable to repress the memories that were launched at her from seemingly nowhere. It didn't make sense. She felt like her brain was working on overdrive and all she could do was wait for it to be over. A mere mention of zombies was enough to trigger it, but why did she feel like the entire universe was weighing her down? Trying to see how far they could go before she was crushed under its weight?

Her eyes squeezed shut and she could feel the dull pain in her chest from her sudden erratic breathing and she just _wanted it all to stop_. But the girl was flashing consistently in her mind and the other zombies Haseul had killed were acting just the same as the girl; speaking to her— _begging_ her to make it stop, to help them. She could _hear them_. They were in her head constantly pleading, constantly crying out in pain. 

Hyunjin's hands shot up to cover her ears in a feeble and weak attempt to shut out the voices that called out to her for help. Her fingers dug into her hair, squeezing her arms around her head as the voices began to overlap.

"Hyunjin?" she heard Heejin call, but it was quickly drowned out by the voices that increased in volume, beginning to yell and shout and shriek and scream in agony. 

"Make it stop. Make it stop, _please_ ," she whimpered, feeling her nails dig into her head as she tried _everything_ to get it all quiet. "Make _them_ fucking stop, please."

Just before she felt like she was sinking under, she felt Heejin's arms come around her trembling frame, tugging her hastily toward her until Hyunjin felt the fleece jacket against her forehead, immediately melting into the soft material. 

And, just like that, the voices dropped. She exhaled a shallow breath, her hands shaking as she slowly unraveled them from her hair before wrapping them tight around Heejin, her fists closing around the jacket as she eliminated any space in between them. 

She felt Heejin's hand come up to cup the back of her head, gently stroking her hair as the other hand wrapped around her body. The bruises on her body made themselves known, but it was a good distraction that kept her mind occupied for the moment. 

Heejin was her anchor, though. She was the only thing keeping her grounded. 

**+++**

The next day, Hyunjin didn't bring up what had happened and, luckily for her, Haseul and Yeojin had stopped by before Heejin could ask (Yeojin immediately checking up on the cat plushie before settling on the bed between Hyunjin and Heejin) and they spent the day talking, eating, even going outside to enjoy the sun's rays and warm up a bit. 

And the day after that, Heejin's words rang true once more as she and Haseul left towards town again, leaving Hyunjin and Yeojin to their own devices. The two spent the day actually making a pillow fort, Yeojin practically begging Hyunjin to let her go to their own room to retrieve more for their fort before Hyunjin relented and stood outside their room to watch Yeojin retrieve them. 

(It was comical seeing such a tiny person carry four pillows half the size of her along with the comforter draped on top. Hyunjin offered to help, but Yeojin loudly refused and only asked that the door be open so that she could drop them. Heejin was pleased and amused to see Hyunjin playing along with Yeojin, Haseul was a bit dismayed about having their pillows taken for the fort, but in the end, even she couldn't resist diving in to join the other three play make-believe; pretending they were space pirates on the run from the intergalactic police force was too tempting to ignore.)

The two weeks passed similarly with Heejin and Haseul leaving a couple of times and returning with some stuff they managed to scavenge like food or clothes. In the meantime, Hyunjin and Yeojin would do whatever in their power to stave off the impending boredom that came with being holed up in a motel room for days on end. Sometimes Hyunjin would take Yeojin out to walk around the hotel to get some air and to expend her endless amount of energy, but only if there were absolutely no zombies around. Otherwise, they would figure out something to do to pass the time.

The four of them seemed to strengthen their bond, often eating together in the same room and talking endlessly until they would part to their respective rooms to rest. Hyunjin had grown especially fond of Yeojin, enjoying her company and doing everything in her power to make sure Yeojin was happy in order to distract her from the harsh reality of the new world they were living in. Even Haseul opened up more, laughing and smiling a lot more when they were all together. 

Some nights Hyunjin would have an episode similar to the one she had the first time. Sometimes it took out everything in her. But every time it happened, Heejin was there to coax her through it. She'd get nightmares, she'd wake up in cold sweats, sometimes she wouldn't even sleep at all. No matter what she did, it never seemed to leave her mind.

And Hyunjin was slowly recovering, still finding it difficult to breathe in deeply or move around freely without feeling some sort of pain. The bruises were still prominent as well, still dark and red and aching. But Heejin said the one on her jaw began to fade, and if Hyunjin was being honest, she kind of forgot that one despite the memory of the man kicking her in the face still fresh in her mind. 

But they were all slowly adjusting. Heejin and Hyunjin had already come to an agreement that they had no reason to leave and when they discussed this with Haseul, she was very glad to hear that they weren't leaving anytime soon. Yeojin especially was excited at the decision, jumping on the bed with all the energy in the world. Yet they came to the conclusion that if supplies ran dry or if some other force drove them away, that they would stick together. 

Hyunjin couldn't see her and Heejin without Haseul and Yeojin in the picture, it just wouldn't feel right. 

**+++**

Hyunjin pulled back the curtains to observe the rain hammering down outside, flashes of lightning igniting the dark sky before a boom of thunder would rattle the motel. Yeojin hid her face in Hyunjin's side with her hands grasping tightly at her hoodie, flinching and tensing up with another streak of lightning illuminating the sky with the thunder following just seconds after. 

"Where are they?" Yeojin whined, her arms wrapping around Hyunjin's waist. 

And despite the embrace pressuring her bruises, Hyunjin ignored the pain and dropped her hand to Yeojin's head, stroking her hair gently to try and soothe her nerves. "They'll- they'll be back soon. Don't worry." She closed the curtains, engulfing the room in darkness and only lighting up when lightning struck. "C'mon," she urged Yeojin away from the window, instead directing her to the pillow fort they had made earlier—they pretended they were pilots flying all over the world to find magical creatures. 

But even as she got Yeojin settled into the pillow fort with all her stuffed animals—even Kilchi was placed in his own little corner—Hyunjin couldn't help the dread that loomed over her at the thought of Heejin and Haseul being stuck out in a storm. She could only hope that they found some temporary shelter and that the storm would let up so that they could come back to the motel.

Yeojin sniffled and, even in the darkness, Hyunjin could see the girl bring up a tiny hand to wipe her face. It tore Hyunjin apart. Up until then, Yeojin had always been this little bundle of energy, always toothy grins and happy laughter. Now, though, she looked so small and frail, so scared and helpless. 

"Come here, Yeojin." Hyunjin held her arms outstretched to Yeojin who didn't hesitate to crawl over and onto her lap—Hyunjin once again having to push through the pain in her torso—and wrapped her arms around her neck. Hyunjin's own arms came around to envelop Yeojin, one hand rubbing her back soothingly as Yeojin began to cry, her small body trembling and flinching every time thunder roared.

"I-I want S-Seulie back," Yeojin whimpered, burying her head in the crook of Hyunjin's shoulder. 

"I know, kid," Hyunjin muttered, never having been in this sort of situation and trying desperately to make things better for Yeojin. "I-I bet they got to somewhere safe, okay? They're just hiding out 'til the storm passes."

"I d-don't want her some- somewhere else, I-I want her b-back here."

"I know. It's gonna be okay," she mumbled, doing everything in her power to try and calm her down. "They're gonna come back safe and sound. They will," saying them out loud helped Hyunjin believe it herself because doubt was clouding her mind and she needed to make sure they were all right. 

**+++**

Yeojin had eventually exhausted herself, trying to stay up as late as possible to try and catch Heejin and Haseul when they came back. 

But they hadn't. 

And it was still storming outside.

She looked down at Yeojin with her head resting in her lap. It must have been hard for Yeojin. She couldn't even imagine what it must be like to be going through the end of the world at only nine-years-old.

It was hard enough for Hyunjin, but for Yeojin?

It tormented Hyunjin just thinking about how it must be affecting her—how it'll affect her in the future. 

She ran a hand through Yeojin's hair, smoothing any frizziness down with her palm, flinching when lightning struck. 

She tried not to think about not seeing Heejin again. She tried not thinking about Yeojin not seeing Haseul again. She tried to push away the heavy feeling settling within her with each passing second that past without either of them walking through the door. 

Hyunjin brought a hand up to rub tiredly at her eyes before just promptly dragging it down her face exasperatedly. _Is this what having children feels like?_ Hyunjin cynically thought, doing everything to keep the child from completely breaking down? Only to push away any weakness or suffering she might be going through? Sacrificing her own wellbeing to ensure that Yeojin's is better?

But when Yeojin shifted and curled her arm under Hyunjin's leg—quite literally hugging it—and Hyunjin felt obligated to shield Yeojin from everything bad in the world; no question. 

Exactly what she'd do for Heejin. 

The thought of her immediately sent her heart racing and made her breath stutter. 

She forced herself to take a deep breath—ignoring the stab of pain—and breathing out. 

Haseul was with her. Haseul promised to take care of Heejin. They were both fine. 

Hyunjin repeated it over and over again.

_They're fine. They're fine. They're fine._

+++

The frantic knocking at the door jolted her awake. 

It woke Yeojin up, too, already springing up from where she had been curled up against Hyunjin and jumping off the bed, launching herself at the door. "Seulie!" she cheered, jumping up to unlock the door just as Hyunjin was rushing to get out of bed as well, any remnants of sleep gone in an instant from the adrenaline immediately rushing through her system.

Having grown accustomed to the sound of knocking, Hyunjin no longer tied it to the man from the cabin. Now, all that she thought of when she heard knocks from the door were Heejin and Haseul. 

_They were here._

Hyunjin was already smiling at the prospect of Heejin being safe and sound as Yeojin finally pried the door open. Instantaneously—right after opening the door—Yeojin jumped with her arms outstretched right into Haseul's arms, her older sister automatically catching her and hauling her into an embrace. 

But as Hyunjin tried peering behind Haseul's frame for Heejin, she felt her heart drop to her stomach, feeling like a heavy stone that made her feel sick. 

She looked to Haseul, her eyes squeezed shut as she hugged Yeojin tightly, her clothing and her hair drenched—Hyunjin could even see a bead of water rolling down her cheek that she was sure was from the rain—as she muttered things to Yeojin. 

"Haseul," she called out, her voice coming out weak and raspy but still managing to catch Haseul's attention. "Where's Heejin?"

For a moment, Haseul froze and only looked at her, her throat bobbing up and down until she slowly dropped Yeojin to the ground. Just the way she was prolonging the answer was making Hyunjin antsy, not wanting to believe her worst nightmare coming true. 

" _Haseul._ " There was an edge to her voice. "Where's Heejin," she gritted out, sounding more like a command than a question but she could already feel the fear creeping through her consciousness, getting ready to snap its jaws around her when she'd be at her most vulnerable. "Where is she?" Her defenses were crumbling, her legs feeling weak and ready to collapse from under her when she took a step toward Haseul. 

She heard Yeojin sniffle and stifle a cry from somewhere below them, but neither she or Haseul tried to comfort her. Their gazes were solely trained on each other and Hyunjin couldn't take it anymore. 

"Haseul—"

_"I don't know."_

* * *

[twitter](https://twitter.com/Kiiddway)   
[cc](curiouscat.me/Kiiddway)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :]


	14. explanation.

_I don't know._

The weight of a thousand planets just rocketed into her. 

_"_ D-Don't know?" 

She couldn't believe it was happening. She absolutely couldn't. It wasn't real. Heejin would walk through the door, drenched and tired just like Haseul, but with the brightest smile on her face and Hyunjin would run up to her and hug her and—

"What- what do you mean you don't know?" Hyunjin's volume increased. She didn't mean it to.

"I _don't_ know where she is, Hyunjin," Haseul's voice was still low, however. Her apprehensive tone a massive contrast to Hyunjin's panicked one. 

"H-How could you _not_ know? She was with you! You two were together! How could you- you just lose her like that?" Stepping closer, Hyunjin's voice continued to rise and Yeojin's sniffles were more prominent. 

"We got split up!" Haseul's voice rose just the same as Hyunjin's. 

But it still didn't make any sense. It just didn't make any sense to her. 

"There's no way you could have gotten split up. You- you couldn't have. You _didn't_." Hyunjin was shaking her head, her gaze blurring but there were no tears. She felt lightheaded. 

Haseul's voice considerably softened, "There was a horde of them, Hyunjin."

And it just couldn't possibly get worse. 

Her legs felt like they were about to collapse from under her. She's never passed out in her life before but she felt like she was about to drop with every passing second that went by without Heejin in front of her. 

"We saw another group there—maybe four or five of them?—and one of them lost it, or something, because then he was shooting _everyone_ in his group... That's what attracted the horde, I think, and then he- he looted their bodies and ran off somewhere after. But it was raining _so_ much and- and we got separated from each other because there were _so_ many of them and—" Haseul stopped when Hyunjin abruptly moved away, stepping over to her bat and picking it up after so long of not using it. "What are you doing, Hyunjin?"

When Hyunjin looked up from where she was looking down at her bat, she saw the way Haseul maneuvered Yeojin behind her, the girl hugging her older sister's leg as she peeked around her.

Did they think she was going to hurt them?

There was fear in Haseul's eyes, her hand protectively holding Yeojin behind her as if she were some mother shielding her child from some kind of danger. It hurt Hyunjin just thinking that they were scared of what she would do to them, but she had absolutely no intention to hurt either one of them—especially not Yeojin. And she might feel a little resent towards Haseul but she would _never_ do anything to harm her. Not after all she's done for them. 

"I-I'm going to find Heejin," her voice shook and she was completely terrified of what she might— _or might not_ —find when she stepped out of the comfort and safety of the motel. 

"By yourself?" Haseul asked. Hyunjin simply nodded. "No, let me come with you. I know where she was when I saw her last, I'll show y—"

"Please," Hyunjin cut off, her voice cracking slightly until she cleared her throat. " _Please_ just stay with Yeojin. Please? I-I need to find Heejin on my own."

She saw the hesitation written all over Haseul's face, saw how her frowning created the crease between her brows, saw the conflict behind her eyes. But her hand drifted down to cup the back of Yeojin's head and she finally nodded; that was enough for Hyunjin to feel the smallest bit relieved. "Heejin and I were at the convenience store when they all came. I lost her somewhere when we were leaving the building."

Hyunjin nodded, mumbling a quiet, "Okay," then turning to the door. But before she could even put her hand on the handle, two small arms wrapped around her thigh, a head pressing into her side where she had to move her arm to allow the child to do so. 

"P-Please be careful, Hyunnie," Yeojin cried, burying her face into Hyunjin's hoodie as she moved her arms to wrap around her waist. And although Yeojin was pressing into a particular tender spot where she was injured, she couldn't help but drop down to be level with Yeojin, bringing her forward into a proper embrace. 

Because Hyunjin had no idea what she was getting herself into, she had absolutely no idea what she would find. She couldn't even bring herself to think about the possibilities of not finding Heejin at all—or even worse; finding her in a monstrous state, stuck forever in a mangled, bloody body that only thought of tearing flesh from bone. 

So she didn't say anything when Yeojin cried into her shoulder. Didn't say anything when she locked eyes with Haseul's, remorse and guilt prominent in her gaze and expression. Didn't say anything when she finally let go of Yeojin, simply tucking in a strand of hair that had escaped from her braid, before she stood back up and placed her hand back on the handle. 

Nothing was said when she opened the door and walked outside, closing it behind her and waiting a few minutes just to hear the doors lock, fighting hard not to break down when she heard Yeojin's cries increase in volume, bringing herself to only imagine that Haseul was doing everything she could to calm her baby sister down. 

Hyunjin took a brief moment to look out, bracing herself to walk into the darkness and out of the cover of the motel's overhang, preparing herself to become drenched under the steady rain that continued to fall. 

And she was going to find Heejin. She was sure of it. Hyunjin was going to find her and bring her back to the motel. They were going to meet back with Haseul and Yeojin and everything was going to go back to normal. 

She believed it. Hyunjin blindly believed it. She didn't allow herself to think about anything other than that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why yes. i did make this chapter short on purpose. :]


	15. searching

Hyunjin swung the bat as hard as she could at the zombie's head, feeling the jolt when she made contact with the skull, hearing the loud squelch and crack as it lost its balance. 

It was the fourth zombie she had encountered on her way to the town; the fourth one she's had to kill. 

The tenth one she had seen within the span of an hour. 

She couldn't remember when the last time she saw that many zombies in a day. 

Slamming the bat back down onto the back of the zombie's head, flinching at the splatter she created upon impact, she quickly stepped away from the dark blood that was quickly being washed away from the rain, the shattered skull fragments, away from the body as a whole. She turned away quickly, not letting the nausea get to her nor sparing the corpse another glance, simply letting the soreness in her arms and chest subside as she left the scene. 

The sooner she got to the town, the sooner she could find Heejin. 

With all the zombies she'd already killed, none had shown that glimpse of humanity like the girl she and Heejin encountered before. She wasn't sure why; she couldn't dwell on it too much, though. Not with Heejin plaguing her mind. 

Hyunjin wiped away the water from her face with one hand, but the effort was futile as the rain continued to steadily fall. It was hard to even tell what time it was with all the dark clouds obscuring the sky, it made it harder to spot the zombies that weren't directly on the road or anything alongside the road anyway. But Hyunjin was nearly there, the last zombie she killed was the last in the way, she just didn't know how much would still be in the town. 

That didn't matter to her. 

What mattered was finding Heejin as quickly as possible and getting back to Haseul and Yeojin. 

With Heejin constantly bouncing through her mind, Hyunjin trudged through the rain, the puddles she stepped through splashing through her shoes and socks, the rain that fell from the sky soaking her through the bone making her feel like she just jumped into freezing water. It was hard to ignore how much her body trembled or how stiff her limbs were, but she couldn't stop. 

There was a brief wave of relief she felt when she made her first few steps into the town, the buildings on each side of the roads looking much more ominous with the rain and the occasional lightning that would light up the sky, followed by the dull sound of thunder. But as she looked around as much as she could with her hand cupped over her eyes to block the water that kept blurring her vision, Hyunjin couldn't see anything out in the main street—not one zombie nor human.

It made her feel uneasy but it also spurred what little determination Hyunjin had because Heejin could simply be waiting it out in one of the buildings. That's all Hyunjin could hope for. 

Dragging her bat behind her—it felt like dead weight in her hand—Hyunjin sped her pace up into the convenient store first, recalling what Haseul told her about last seeing Heejin there. Maybe it was a longshot but Hyunjin had to try.

Without hesitation, Hyunjin walked through the entrance—the door nowhere to be seen, most likely broken down months ago—instantly being shielded from the rain but the interior completely engulfed in darkness, save for the very dim light shining a sliver into the building. But it barely did anything to illuminate anything in the store at all. It made Hyunjin falter, her nerves skyrocketing as she paused midstep from going in further. 

The silhouettes of the empty shelves—some still upright while some were knocked over—did nothing to soothe her when it looked like something could be hiding behind or beneath some small crevices. 

She didn't hear anything from inside and, besides, she wasn't exactly subtle about her appearance what with her sluggish steps and her dripping clothing, Hyunjin was sure that if there were any zombies around, they would've heard her arrival. 

Still, though, there was always the possibility. 

Instead of venturing further, Hyunjin rested one hand against the doorframe and readjusted her slippery grip on her bat before she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Heejin?" she whispered out, unsure whether or not her voice was overpowered by the rain outside, but she tried again, only slightly raising her voice to be heard. " _Heejin_." 

She waited a few seconds, holding her breath as if that would help her hear any quiet movement from within. 

Except time ticked by and there was no sign that there was anything inside. There was absolutely no other sound besides water quietly dripping from her clothes, the rain pattering onto the roof, the thunder that seemed to get louder each time.

Hyunjin tried not to let it upset her, but she still felt the way her chest constricted from the absence of Heejin. 

_She's not here, but I'll find her._

Begrudgingly, Hyunjin turned around bracing herself as she stepped out, immediately being greeted by the rain and a flash of lightning. Hyunjin took a moment to look out across the town, trying to figure out exactly where else to search for Heejin. 

The town center wasn't big to begin with, so, in theory, it wouldn't take long to find Heejin. And that mindset only sparked hope for Hyunjin. 

So she walked back outside, ducking her head as she made her way across the street and to the small jewelry store that had no barricades but everything inside was trashed; the windows were smashed and tiny shards littered the floor—or as much of the floor as Hyunjin could see because nearly every shelf was knocked to the ground that made it impossible to travel through. Hyunjin suspected Heejin wouldn't hide there; there was no cover and nowhere to hide or defend herself. 

Hyunjin moved on. Onto the next building, then the next, and then the next. But still no sign of Heejin. She went all along the main street, looking through buildings that weren't completely destroyed or in ruin or especially the ones where she heard low groans and growls. 

(She didn't dare check and see if any of the zombies she heard were Heejin, she wouldn't think about that possibility yet.)

When she moved onto the street around the other side of the convenience store, Hyunjin stuttered in her walk and froze. In the middle of the bend in the street was a small group of zombies all crowded around the ground where she could barely make out the forms of three bodies. She watched in horror as they tore viciously into the corpses, shredding skin and flesh, animalistically gnawing on bones and muscles, tearing deeper and deeper into the bodies with their teeth and nails. 

It sickened Hyunjin to the core, she felt lightheaded at the sight and she turned away quickly, letting herself lean against the side of the convenience store as she tried to compose herself. 

Hyunjin connected the dots quickly; it was the group Haseul mentioned who got shot down by one of their deranged members. 

The only saving grace was that the zombies were too preoccupied filling their mindless hunger on the bodies to have heard her coming. 

The other thing was that she knew Heejin wasn't among the bodies being ravaged. 

That alone was enough to have her pushing off the wall, keeping her distance from the zombies as she moved onto the next building—some kind of pizza restaurant where she swore she saw a drenched rat skitter its way into one of the torn, red booths. But still no Heejin.

It was difficult not feeling dejected at each failed search, each building turning up empty, another second without Heejin. 

It was slowly taking a toll on Hyunjin. 

Avoiding the group of zombies as much as possible, Hyunjin made her way up and down the street in the rain. Stopping by the old vintage movie theater and taking a look inside to the boutique that used to probably be so neat and tidy only to look like a mini tornado swept through it. Hyunjin was starting to get desperate the farther along she got from the group with her pace quickening and her searches through buildings being a little less than cautious.

Having made her way to the other end of the street—a rather good distance away from the group of zombies—Hyunjin was about to burst through the local bakery in haste until she heard the all too familiar guttural groans. Except it wasn't in the bakery, but rather, the small alleyway next to it.

Hesitating, Hyunjin stood on the sidewalk, subconsciously gripping the handle of her bat tighter as she tried to get a better look inside the alley. But with the lack of light anywhere, Hyunjin was left cupping her hand over her eyes and squinting as much as she could to get at least a glimpse because surely the zombie heard her. 

Surely the zombie would have shambled out of the alley upon her arrival and try to attack her. 

But even with the rain hammering harder down onto her and the pavement, Hyunjin could make out the noises that made her squeamish; the grinding of teeth and flesh, the soft tears as the zombie pulled each tendon and muscle out with its fingers, the snapping of bone.

A feeling of cold dread immediately settled within her, far more prominent than the rain threatening to give her hypothermia. 

"Heejin?" Her voice barely came out as a squeak, cracking even with only one word. 

Hyunjin stepped closer to the opening of the alley, blinking the water out of her eyes as she tried to make out the zombie and the body it was feasting on. But with a quick flash of lightning, Hyunjin was able to see everything in front of her. 

It was just a brief glimpse but it was enough for Hyunjin to understand. 

Thunder roared but Hyunjin didn't flinch. She couldn't move. She was frozen.

Her bat slipped out of her grip, any remnants of her protection evaporated from her mind, leaving it painfully blank because it simply couldn't be true. _It couldn't be._

Except the wind picked up strongly, nearly sending her toppling to the ground as another streak of lightning illuminated the area again, only giving Hyunjin the answer she feared. 

Hyunjin saw the glimpses of the zombie—a tall, skinny, mangled blonde woman with tattered clothing, her back sporting bullet holes—crouched over a body with her back toward Hyunjin, head bowed down toward the body's stomach. 

But the body looked too familiar in those two flashes. The dark hair fanned over the wet concrete, the pale skin, the dark green top. 

She hadn't seen her face, but she knew— _Hyunjin knew_ —that it was everything out of her nightmares. 

Hyunjin never thought she could experience such pain before. The bruises that scattered her body could never reach the level of what she was feeling right at that moment. She couldn't even get herself to cry. It felt as though someone had taken everything from her; as if they ripped out her beating heart right from her chest, numbing her from every other emotion but pain. That's all she felt. A continuous ache in her chest that wasn't from the resort of the bruises. Instead of a quick stab of pain, it was long and drawn out; as if it were trying to prolong this torturous feeling on Hyunjin, belittling her and reducing her to nothing but a shell of a body as her mind began to erupt in degrading thoughts.

_It's your fault,_ she told herself. _It's your fault that she's dead._

Hyunjin's legs gave out, sinking to her knees unceremoniously and feeling the brief pang of pain as she collided with the concrete, only for it to be overshadowed by her own thoughts again. 

_You should have been with her. You could have stopped this. It's all your fault._

_It hurt so much._

Bowing forward, Hyunjin let herself curl up, hugging her arms around herself to try and alleviate all the emotions barreling into her. But she only found it harder to breathe. It was like her lungs were refusing to let her get an ounce of oxygen into her system, leaving her gasping for breath as she dug her forehead onto the concrete, her hair falling around her and only submerging her in darkness she wished she could get out of. 

Her mind began creating horrible images and scenarios. Each one more gruesome than the last. It was just endless torture. Too many things were piling on top of each other and it _hurt_ Hyunjin so much.

She wanted it all to stop. 

She wanted things to go back to normal. She wanted to be back at the motel with Haseul and Yeojin and Heejin, indulging in Yeojin's wishes of playing make-believe; pretending they were explorers in the Amazon rainforest or that they owned their very own giant zoo, she wanted to smile and laugh again with Heejin next to her. She wanted it back. She wanted those feelings back and she wanted the pain to go away.

But it wasn't going away. It wasn't leaving her— _it wouldn't ever leave her._

The anger was quick to rise. Surprising Hyunjin but she couldn't smother it down. Not when she welcomed the emotion readily. If only to mask the torment that was still prominent.

Her anger was directed toward many things; toward Haseul, toward the zombie, towards the world, even toward the man she had killed in the cabin that felt like years ago. But the majority of it was directed toward herself. There was no one was more at fault than her. 

It was her fault, after all. She let Heejin slip between her fingers and now she lied there, being feasted by a monster that knew nothing but an endless hunger impossible to satiate.

And if Hyunjin continued like this, she knew that the anger and the pain would be endless. Impossible for either of the emotions to ever leave her body; it would never die. 

There was only one solution Hyunjin could think of to make it all stop. One option that somehow soothed her nerves for only a brief moment. 

If there were any other way to do it, Hyunjin would have gladly taken it. But with a lack of resources and with wanting to end it as quickly as possible, Hyunjin felt as if this were the only chance for her. 

Slowly, Hyunjin pushed herself back up onto her knees, feeling the concrete dig into her pants and welcoming the brief sting she felt before the anger began to surge through her body again as she looked at the silhouette of the zombie. But she quickly looked away from it, trying to let the sounds of the pouring rain filter out the way it feasted on _Heejin_. 

Hyunjin had to clench her eyes shut, fighting hard to not crumble to the ground again. Instead, she regained her weak composure, inhaling shakily as she opened her eyes and spotted her bat beside her. She reached for it, fingers gripping around the handle weakly as she pulled it closer to her. 

Just as she heard a bone snap, Hyunjin was quick to rear her arm back with the bat now gripped tightly in her hand. A flame ignited in her core and she threw her arm forward, letting the bat go and watching as it soared through the rain to collide into the zombie. Hearing the grunt it emitted as it picked its head up, turning over its shoulder with a snarl that only fueled Hyunjin more.

"Come on!" she yelled, effectively spurring the zombie to abandon Heejin as it clumsily got up and made its way slowly out of the alley. 

But Hyunjin wasn't afraid anymore. She couldn't be. Not when she knew it would all end and she wouldn't have to live with herself without Heejin. She knew she could have gone back to Haseul and Yeojin, but she just couldn't bear to think about the absence of Heejin in their little group. And she knew Haseul and Yeojin would get over her; they had to. It sounded hypocritical to her, but she knew they would. 

The zombie was too slow. Hyunjin was losing her patience. Despite being unafraid to give herself up, she couldn't get herself to just get up and give the zombie the feast it wanted. She was locked in place, unable to get to move from her position. 

Just as she saw the zombie walk out of the opening of the alleyway, lightning struck and gave her just enough light to see the zombie's face; the ear that was missing on its right side, the glassy eyes, the cut that began at her cheekbone and connected all the way to the corner of its mouth—looking as though it had a permanent, elongated, lopsided smile—some of its matted, blonde hair ripped off in some patches on its head. 

But what shook Hyunjin to the core was the voice that came out of it, " _It's okay, Hyunjin."_

It was happening again. 

Just like the girl all those weeks ago; the one zombie who had spoken and _begged_ for her life. 

This zombie was speaking just the same. 

Except _her_ voice was clear and calm, rendering Hyunjin speechless as she felt her mouth go dry. 

" _It'll be okay,"_ it spoke again— _she_ spoke again. And when lightning flashed again, Hyunjin saw a brief smile on the zombie's face, lopsided with the large cut on her cheek but a smile nonetheless. 

All she could do was stare up at the woman in awe, unable to help herself as she felt the tears finally prick at the corner of her eyes from being told it was going to be okay. She believed those words, she took them to heart. It reassured her. 

"It's- it's gonna be okay?" she whispered, simply wanting the confirmation one more time as the tears blurring her vision. But she was growing excited when she saw the elegant nod of the woman's head—such a contrast to the earlier jerky movements of her body before she spoke to Hyunjin. 

She heard the woman hum and Hyunjin felt the fear completely dissipate from her body. 

" _You'll be with her soon_." 

Hyunjin closed her eyes.

_You'll be with her soon._

She leaned forward, raising her chin up unabashedly as she waited, relishing in the cold rain that ran down her body. 

_You'll be with her soon_. 

She felt the rough fingers brush over her cheek and she simply let the feeling wash over her. 

_I'll be with her soon._

* * *

:] hello again

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it aint over yet


	16. is it over?

Hyunjin never really imagined life after death before the apocalypse. Well, sometimes she did, but only ever if she had nothing else to think about. She didn't know if there was a heaven or hell or where she would end up if they both existed. She didn't know if God prospered in the heavens or if Satan dwelled in the underworld. She had little to no knowledge of it to begin with. So it never really mattered to her before. 

Things were different now. 

Having been face to face with death since everything fell, Hyunjin was constantly plagued with the question; what happens when you die? And while the obvious answer was being reanimated into a zombie—if bitten, of course—and being unable to control a body you previously possessed. What then? Hyunjin already had her theory—already saw things that made her think her theory was somewhat correct (although, she wasn't too sure since the first time Heejin kept telling her nothing happened and the second time no one else was there to witness it). But she was sure of it.

Except, even while being mere seconds away from death—from the very thing she's grown to hate and fear, the very thing that keeps her up at night.

The very thing that killed Heejin. 

Now Hyunjin wasn't so scared of dying. 

It didn't matter that she might be stuck inside her corpse of a body, forever forced to roam the world as something that had an everlasting hunger, never being able to control body ever again. She'd still be her, she'd just be trapped inside. Hyunjin thought that was punishment enough for her. 

Punishment for not being able to protect Heejin like she should have—like she _promised_.

It felt right to let it go. It felt right to let all her worries go.

She was fully prepared to feel the hungry teeth bite into her flesh, the nails that would scrape and tear into her mercilessly; she was ready for the pain that would be inflicted. But in her mind, she knew it wouldn't be for long. It would be quick, and she was ready for it. 

What she wasn't ready for was the hard yank on the back of her hoodie, sending her sprawling backward and colliding onto the concrete that shot a sharp pain through her back and torso. Blinking away the rain that fell into her eyes, Hyunjin sat up—having to bring a hand up to rub at her eyes to try and clear up the blur in her vision—watching as the zombie who was about to end it all for her was suddenly hit to the ground by the person who had stopped it all. 

But the person looked _too_ familiar. Too familiar even with it being so dark, Hyunjin only wished lightning would flash so she could get a better look. 

And even with the zombie tumbling to the ground from the blow, the person advanced with another hit to the head. And another, and another, until the zombie lay limp on the ground. Unmoving. _Dead_. 

Hyunjin was too busy staring at the girl in front of her, eyes wide as she watched her turn and finally— _finally_ —lightning struck, illuminating the area around her. 

And Hyunjin felt all the air leave her lungs. 

Because it couldn't be. 

_It just couldn't_. 

She _saw_ her body. She saw the zombie feasting on it. 

_It can't be her. It just can't be._

Besides, Heejin never fought any of the zombies. She never did. Haseul even _told_ her that she never did when they went out. It couldn't be her. 

It had to have been some sort of hallucination; the ones she denied so fervently before but this one _had_ to be a hallucination. This was the breaking point. It was her mind finally snapping. It was everything she's witnessed—everything she's been through—it was the end of the line for her sanity. 

But she still couldn't stop herself from whispering, " _Heejin_?"

"What were you doing?" she yelled over the rain, her voice cracking along with the roar of thunder, but hearing her voice made Hyunjin jolt. 

"Heejin?" Her voice still didn't rise above a whisper, her mind reeling and spinning and she was finding it difficult to breathe. The rain was coming down harder but she couldn't feel it, she couldn't feel any of it. Everything around her felt numb save for the stuttering of her heart and the constriction of her chest. 

"Why- why weren't you doing anything?" she still yelled at Hyunjin, but she never thought she'd be so _happy_ to hear it. 

But then she was running over to Hyunjin, dropping the crowbar she had used to kill the zombie, and the moment she was close enough for Hyunjin to see the features on her face—the tracks on her cheeks that she couldn't tell whether they were from the rain or tears—Hyunjin automatically reached out to wrap her arms around her shoulders, instantly bringing her down into a tight embrace. 

" _Please_ ," she mumbled against her shoulder. "Please tell me you- you're really you. Please, _please_ , Heejin."

And when Hyunjin felt her arms wrap around her, she felt her chest burst—she felt the dam breaking, she felt the weight lifting, she felt her every single one of her defenses falling. Hyunjin only tightened her embrace around her, unable to hold back the sob that wracked her entire body as she held on to try and keep herself grounded. 

"What- what were you doing, Hyunjin?" her voice shook but hearing _her_ name come out of her mouth weakened her all the more. 

Hyunjin couldn't form the words—couldn't even form a coherent thought other than, _She's alive. She's alive. She's alive._ Chanting itself over and over again in her head like some sort of mantra. Continuously running through her mind so much that Hyunjin felt like if she didn't keep repeating it she would disappear from her grasp. 

Just the thought of Heejin leaving her sight for more than a second made her panic; made the fear spike higher than she's ever felt before and she couldn't let her go. 

"I-I thought you- you were dead." It hurt even saying the words out loud. But she felt her shake her head against her shoulder, and Hyunjin exhaled in relief. " _I thought you were dead, I-I thought_ —" 

"I'm not!" Heejin quickly interjected, interrupting Hyunjin from going on another one of her tangents, but she still couldn't believe it. "I'm not, Hyunjin," she said in a more hushed tone, feeling Heejin's shaking hand coming to stroke her soaked hair. " _I'm not_." 

That alone—Heejin's confirmation; her voice right next to her ear, her arms wrapped right around her body, simply her presence around her—was enough to convince Hyunjin that Heejin was really right there. 

Heejin was alive. 

_Heejin was alive_.

* * *

:] surprise. 

we're almost done here, friends.

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	17. safe.

"What were you doing, Hyunjin?"

They had moved into the cover of the bakery, huddled behind the counter while Heejin tried desperately to dry Hyunjin as much as she could with a measly little hand towel. It still steadily rained outside, thunder occasionally striking but sounding much more distant than it did before. And the lightning that would flash did little to illuminate the interior of the small building, all the windows boarded up and encompassing them in darkness. 

"I was looking for you," she replied immediately, her voice raspy as she looked at Heejin despite the lack of light.

She was met with a quiet sigh, Heejin's hands around the towel combing and squeezing Hyunjin's wet hair. "I meant," Heejin paused as she guided the towel around Hyunjin's cheek, "what were you doing out there? With the monster?" 

A heavy feeling settled over her. Hyunjin didn't know what to say—she had absolutely nothing to say when she couldn't even put it into words. 

_How could I?_

"I—" Her mouth was dry and she had a lump in her throat she couldn't swallow down. "I don't know, Heejin."

All she was met with was a sigh, gentle fingers combing through the damp knots in her hair. "Did Haseul make it back okay?" 

Hyunjin hummed, staring intently at the floor below her, hating the silence that fell between them. 

She felt guilty for having given up so easily. Heejin wouldn't have wanted her to die like that, Hyunjin knew that. So why did she almost go through with it?

"You were about to _die_ , Hyun." Hyunjin flinched at Heejin's voice, the waver in her words evidently showing how distraught she felt. "Two more seconds." Hyunjin felt everything inside of her shatter—she brought her hands up to face, hiding the tears that suddenly sprang out again, wiping them away in a fervor. "Two more seconds and I would've been too late."

"I'm _sorry_ ," Hyunjin mumbled, muffled behind her hands as she began to rock back and forth. "I'm sorry, Heejin, I'm sorry." Something inside her head snapped and the realization of what she almost did barreled into her. 

"Hyunjin, _please._ " She felt Heejin lightly grab at her hands, not exactly prying them off but encouraging Hyunjin to put them down. So she did, intending to just drop them to her lap, but Heejin kept her hold on them, scooting closer until their knees bumped against each other. "Please—please tell me wh- why you didn't fight back." 

Heejin's voice was still shaky, nearly on the verge of tears but managing to keep them at bay—so unlike Hyunjin who felt like she had no fight in her anymore, unable to even compose herself enough for Heejin. 

Frustrated with herself, Hyunjin pulled herself away from Heejin's touch and curled up again, hugging her knees to her chest and hiding her face away from Heejin. All she could do was hide away from everything right now, burrowing in her little hole to keep everything to herself and herself only. All she could focus on was all the voices battling inside her head; her own voice being drowned out by so many others—so many sinister voices telling her _awful_ things over and over again. 

She just felt so exhausted. She hadn't slept much and she traveled so far in search of Heejin and she had to kill multiple zombies and she's drenched to the core—there were just so many things thrown at her. Hyunjin just wanted a moment of rest. 

"When I was with Haseul," Heejin began softly, her quiet voice somehow being able to cut through all the ones shouting in her head. "There was some other group that came to the town, Haseul probably told you, right?" 

Hyunjin wanted so desperately to give her an answer—a simple nod of her head—but she couldn't even bring herself to do that. 

Heejin continued without Hyunjin's confirmation, "Something- something snapped with one of them; he- he started shooting at everyone else—me and Haseul were just in the convenient store right outside when it happened." Heejin paused and it seemed like she was struggling to form the next part of the story. "We watched as- as he _looted_ their bodies." Again, she paused, and her voice began to waver as she pushed on. "So, Haseul went to the back of the store to look for the back exit to avoid him, but then I- I think one of them played dead, or- or something, b-because she then punched him in the face and got up, running away down the street.

"She didn't grab his gun, though, she didn't and I-I don't know why. So he ran after her, I watched him turn around and _chase_ her." Heejin sighed, sounding shaky and on the verge of breaking down. "Then I heard a gunshot, it... it was quiet, so I knew the girl got pretty far away just—" Another sigh, this one sounding more composed and prompting Hyunjin to lift her eyes a bit, just enough to peek at Heejin who now looked just as exhausted as her. 

"She just didn't get far enough," her voice fell, clearing her throat and sounding more dejected than before. Hyunjin watched as Heejin continued telling the story; the way her body was slouched, the vacant stare directed at the floor, the fingers that picked at the hems of her sleeve—she looked like a shell of her body. 

"Haseul came back and tried to take me to the exit in the back of the store, but I could've sworn I saw one of the group members _move_." Heejin shook her head, the action so subtle Hyunjin nearly missed it. "I should've listened to Haseul, honestly, but I- I couldn't just leave someone who was alive and hurting. I just _couldn't_.

"I ran out and, sure enough, one of them was still alive. Sh- shot in the stomach, but he was still alive," her voice cracked, causing Hyunjin's fingers around her legs to tighten on impulse. Heejin cleared her throat again before continuing, "I- I tried helping, you know? I- I was trying to apply pr-pressure to the- the wound and I was trying to- to get him to keep talking to me—I couldn't even hear his name because of the damn _rain_ ," her voice hardened and Hyunjin could automatically tell Heejin was angry at herself. She didn't even need to tell Hyunjin why; she already knew. 

Heejin sniffed and Hyunjin watched her rub at her eyes tiredly. "Haseul kept telling me we had to go, but he was holding on for dear life and I- I just couldn't leave him there. Then—" Heejin laughed, but it seemed forced. "Then the- the horde came out of nowhere; from the streets and- and from around the buildings." 

Shaking her head, Heejin sighed and spoke slowly, as if almost not believing herself, "I- I don't know how but me and Haseul got split up—I thought she was following me or something, but..." she trailed off, shaking her head again and shrugging. "It doesn't matter. I'm just glad she got back okay. I ran in here before any monsters could see me," she motioned weakly upward, signaling the bakery they were holding out in. 

Then she laughed again, sounding bitter and rueful as she frustratedly ran her hand through her hair. "I'm pretty sure the dead girl in the alley was the girl who got away from that- that one crazy guy."

After that, silence hung between them, neither of them saying a word as Hyunjin tried to process everything that was relayed. It was hard to wrap her head around it, but it at least pushed everything to the back of her mind. It was easier to picture the girl she had mistaken for Heejin as someone unrecognizable—someone she didn't know—now that she was thinking back on it. Still, it rattled her thinking Heejin could have very easily been among the few to become victim to a zombie's hunger. 

"I was gonna come back in the morning, Hyun," Heejin barely managed to get out, her voice cracking and shaky. "I was gonna come back, why didn't you just wait for me?" 

Finally being able to find her voice, Hyunjin uncurled herself and edged herself slightly closer to her, "Heejin, I—"

"You could've gotten yourself _killed_!" Hyunjin flinched when Heejin interrupted her abrasively, the tears in her eyes finally spilling and streaking down her cheeks as she directed an angry glare at Hyunjin. "Wh- what if a- a monster had gotten you? Or- or what if that guy happened to- to find you, Hyunjin? What then?" A heart-wrenching sob tore straight through Hyunjin's heart. She hadn't seen this side of Heejin in a long time—not since the outbreak.

"Heejin—"

"Wh- what if I hadn't helped you, Hyunjin? What if I didn't come out quick enough to help you? What if—"

Hyunjin couldn't listen anymore and nothing rational was going through her head, so, to stop Heejin from going down a dark path full of unanswered questions, Hyunjin surged forward and locked their lips together. 

It was so impulsive of Hyunjin that she immediately pulled herself back in a panic, knowing just how brash and insensitive it was of her to do something like to Heejin. She didn't even know why she did that, it felt like it was completely out of her control when there were so many other ways to have interrupted Heejin. "I-I'm sorry, Heejin, I- I didn't—"

Hyunjin wasn't even able to finish her apology or give any explanation when Heejin flung herself onto her, her arms enveloping around Hyunjin's shoulders and taking them both down to the ground. It took Hyunjin by surprise, eliciting a grunt from her when she hit her back on the tiles below her but Heejin held on tightly. 

"Heejin?" she whispered out, her arms resting beside her in her hesitance to return the embrace, still afraid to cross boundaries.

"You're so stupid, Hyun," Heejin mumbled, muffled by Hyunjin's hoodie as she pressed herself closer to her. 

_Stupid?_

All she felt was confusion. "Wh- what?" she sputtered out, trying to prop herself up on her elbows even with Heejin clinging on to her. She was sure that if it weren't for the numbness she felt all over her body, Hyunjin would've felt the bruises still healing all over her body, but with her mind reeling she couldn't even wrap her head around anything that was happening.

Pulling herself up, Heejin faced Hyunjin and jabbed an accusatory finger right in her chest. "You're _stupid_ , Hyun. So, so stupid," she said more forcefully, continuing to jab her finger at Hyunjin until the spot started to get a little sore. "You- you do all these stupid things that could get you _killed_ but when _I_ do something wrong, or- or if something happens to _me_ , you go and do more stupid things that can get you killed!"

Hyunjin could only sit there dumbfounded, unable to even come up with anything to say to Heejin. She didn't think she'd even be able to say anything with how riled up Heejin seemed to be—a complete one-eighty to the meltdown she nearly had.

Still, Hyunjin tried to interlude, maybe clear her name. "But I—"

"It- it was even before the apocalypse!" Heejin exclaimed, startling Hyunjin from the sudden rise of volume. Out of paranoia, Hyunjin meekly shushed her, fearing that a zombie would hear her and try and break inside.

But either Heejin didn't hear her or she just didn't care, because she continued on her tangent without regard for any possible passing zombie. "Before everything happened, you- you would do such _stupid_ things! Without thinking!"

At that point, Hyunjin felt like everything she had built up with Heejin was crumbling down the more she berated her. She regretted ever kissing her because that's what set her off—she crossed the line she never should have crossed. 

And because of her recklessness— _her stupidity_ —she's going to lose Heejin in an entirely different way.

"All these things," Heejin said, unaware of Hyunjin's heavy heart. "You did all these dumb—sometimes life-threatening things—and it took you _this_ long to kiss me?"

And almost just as quick, Hyunjin was warped back into confusion; complete and utter bafflement. It felt like Heejin was yanking Hyunjin back and forth, shaking her all up to see just how she'll react. 

" _What_?" Hyunjin was sure she heard wrong or maybe she missed something Heejin said because there was no way she was getting mad at her for something like this.

Heejin, at long last, seemed to see how distraught Hyunjin was, likely too caught up in how fired up she was with her. But when Heejin gently cupped Hyunjin's cheek with her palm, she felt herself ease down—even with how chilly Heejin's skin was to the touch. 

"It didn't take the start of the apocalypse. It didn't take me stepping—" Heejin laughed airily, sounding more out of spite than authentic humor, "it didn't take me stepping into a bear trap." Heejin's thumb brushed Hyunjin's cheek gingerly, and Hyunin could see the emotion bleeding from her eyes, the unrestrained affection she was giving her. "It didn't even take you almost sacrificing yourself for _me_ for you to kiss me, Hyun." 

Hyunjin winced at the memory, recalling the events so easily despite it feeling like it happened so long ago—the zombie girl that first spoke to her clear in her mind.

But she just didn't get the point Heejin was making. 

Why would she have kissed Heejin during any of those moments?

"Don't you get it, Hyunjin?" She shook her head and Heejin sighed. "All those times it could've been the last time we saw each other? You choose only now to do it?"

Then it kind of hit Hyunjin out of nowhere, like in those old cartoons where an anvil falls from the sky and lands right on top of her head. The realization that Heejin liked her back—and not in the sense of it being strictly platonic, like Hyunjin's previously thought before. 

"You..." her throat felt dry, her tongue a useless lump in her mouth as she tried to voice her thoughts. "You like me?" 

Heejin laughed—this one sounding much more genuine than the rest; just like she was used to hearing from her. But rather than answering her, Heejin just cupped Hyunjin's chin and leaned forward, kissing Hyunjin like it was the last time they'd see each other. 

+++

"Wait, wait," Hyunjin said, her eyes trained on the little snail perched at the top of a long stalk of grass. She crouched down, gingerly plucking the plant from the ground and making sure that the snail didn't accidentally fall off by placing it in the palm of her hand. Instinctively, it curled up inside its shell—being no bigger than a dime—and Hyunjin lightly poked it with her finger.

"Well, don't scare it," Heejin quipped, crouching next to Hyunjin as she grabbed hold of her wrist to steady herself. "Is that for Yeojin?" she asked, looking up at Hyunjin with a small smile on her face. 

It was the next morning and Heejin and Hyunjin wasted no time departing from the bakery and straight out of the town, despite being sore and stiff beyond belief from all the zombies she had to kill. They had gotten as much sleep as they could, promptly passing out the previous night after they talked with each other; simply filling each other in on what happened (and Heejin enjoying the short stories Hyunjin had with Yeojin while she and Haseul were gone). 

The horde had long since passed, Heejin and Hyunjin having no issue bypassing the few that had lingered in town and barely encountering any when they hit the road. A couple of stragglers here and there, but nothing worth causing any trouble over. 

Looking down at the snail again and seeing its little eyes poke out of the opening of the shell to see if there was any danger about, Hyunjin nodded. She couldn't wait to surprise Yeojin with another snail so that she didn't have to worry about Kilchi being lonely anymore. 

In fact, all she could think about was reuniting with Haseul and Yeojin. Those two dug their way into her and Heejin's bubble and they weren't leaving any time soon. 

"She'll love it," Heejin said softly, leaning close to press a chaste kiss on Hyunjin's cheek. 

Even the smallest form of affection was enough to set her skin ablaze and her heart hammering fast. 

"Come on." Hyunjin stood up, Heejin following suit with a bigger smile. "Let's go."

They weren't far from the motel, they could even see the shape of the building from where they stood, and just at the sight of it made Hyunjin quicken her pace. She wanted nothing more than to get back, reunite with Haseul and Yeojin, then take the whole day to just relax. Falling back into the groove of things wouldn't be difficult, she was positive. 

Sure enough, they made it back quicker than she expected and Hyunjin made a beeline for Haseul and Yeojin's room. She wasted no time rapping her knuckles on the door and before she could knock on the door a third time, she heard Yeojin call out from inside. The sound of her voice sounding so excited made Hyunjin's heart leap up to the base of her throat, her own excitement getting the better of her as she turned to Heejin with a big grin. 

And then the door shot open, giving Hyunjin no time to react when Yeojin barreled into her, immediately crushing her in a tight embrace as she hid her face against Hyunjin's stomach. "You're back!" 

Not even Heejin was left out of it with Haseul doing the exact same as her little sister and wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "I'm so glad you're safe," Haseul mumbled, just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear. 

But wanting to return the attention back to Yeojin, she kneeled down and gave her a proper embrace—although with one arm as she held the snail gently in one fist as to not crush it on accident. "Look, Yeojin," she softly spoke, gently encouraging the smaller girl to detach and bringing her hand in between them, unfurling her fist and revealing the snail that had remained hidden in its shell. 

Hearing Yeojin's gasp and seeing her face light up instantly made everything all worthwhile. "A snail!" she exclaimed, the volume of her voice making Hyunjin flinch slightly but she couldn't contain the laugh that bubbled out of her from the kid's excitement. 

"You can keep it with Kilchi now," Hyunjin commented, letting Yeojin take the mollusk in her hand, watching as its eyes peeked out of its shell again. "He won't be so lonely anymore." 

Yeojin flung her arms around Hyunjin's neck—her own arms coming around to tighten around her small body—as she thanked her. Giving her one last squeeze, Yeojin then went over to Heejin who crouched down to be level with her hug—just as Hyunjin had done so. 

Standing up, she was met with Haseul who looked uneasy, her hands in her pocket as she came to stand in front of Hyunjin. And she knew what was going on in Haseul's mind, she knew the conflict she was fighting with herself. 

So rather than saying anything, Hyunjin stepped forward to give Haseul the solace she needed—to show she wasn't upset with her. 

_Not at all_. 

Haseul seemed to melt in the embrace, all the nerves and stress evaporating as she leaned into Hyunjin more. 

"Thank god," she heard Haseul whisper. 

"It's good to see you, too," Hyunjin said quietly, smiling down at Haseul when she pulled away to laugh. At close proximity, Hyunjin noted the bags under her eyes, the tears that pooled and threatened to spill before she brought the heel of her palm up to wipe them away. "See? I told you I'd find her." 

Hyunjin flinched away from the half-hearted punch she threw at her shoulder, laughing along with Haseul who just shook her head with a rueful smile on her face. 

Sniffling, Haseul stepped back, motioning for Yeojin who had been excitedly showing Heejin the snail in her hand. "We'll let you two get some rest." With Yeojin back at her side, Haseul then added, "You look like shit." 

Yeojin gasped and glared up at her older sister who paid her absolutely no mind. 

Hyunjin snorted at Haseul's wry humor, shaking her head as she winked and turned with Yeojin in toll (who had already begun berating her for not getting a snail when Hyunjin was able to), retreating back into their room as Heejin led her back to their own room. 

Just stepping inside lifted the weight of the universe off Hyunjin's shoulders, letting out a sigh as Heejin dropped the backpack down on the ground next to the door. "Home sweet home," Heejin mumbled, sounding just as exhausted as Hyunjin felt. When she turned around, she immediately had to brace the weight of Heejin who slipped her arms around Hyunjin's waist and leaned into her hold. "My turn." Her voice was muffled by Hyunjin's hoodie as she held onto her loosely. 

But Hyunjin didn't say anything, only closing her eyes, tightening her arms around Heejin, and relishing in the warmth she provided—the security and reassurance that she was right there with her. 

No hallucination. No dream. 

Just Heejin right there with her. Safe and sound.

* * *

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL
> 
> that took its time, didnt it? yeah, sorry i kept yall waiting for this one and sorry if it didnt live up to expectations, ive never been good at concluding shit BUT HEY we made it eventually, right?
> 
> anyways, thanks to all yall who read and commented through this crazy ride, yall really helped keep my motivation up when it would hit rock bottom, so fr, thanks for all the support. i can officially say ive finally finished and completed writing a story, hoorah hoorah.
> 
> if yall want you can follow me on twt (but prolly dont bc all i do is cry about yeji and shitpost <3) or just throw some stuff into my cc which are linked above. 
> 
> i also have a ton of other stories in progress so if you wanna see more from me you can definitely hit those up or whatever. 
> 
> who knows, i might even do an epilogue to this one if yall want it. anyways, thanks again fr and be easy out there. 


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